


Nothing but Themselves

by Knight_of_Cookies



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy, star wars episode Vll: The Last Jedi
Genre: Angst, Bondage, Canon--mostly (with sprinkles of fanon), Dark fluff, Drama, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Kylo Ren Needs a Hug, Prisoner! Kylo, Redemption, Rey has an adopted family, Romance, There is family drama, Torture, Violence, bit of worldbuilding, force repression tech, forcevision, lot of mostly naked kylo and the joys of Rey dealing with this issue, mechanic! rey, prisonguard! rey, set afterTLJ, side of dark fic, slow burn angst, what makes a monster and what makes a man
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-29
Updated: 2019-01-06
Packaged: 2019-03-11 00:19:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 31,964
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13512825
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Knight_of_Cookies/pseuds/Knight_of_Cookies
Summary: Sometimes what you ask for is not what you actually wanted. Rey wanted a family. Kylo wanted Rey.Now an adopted father is dead and Kylo is captured for it. Kylo is Rey's prisoner, and her family does not take such a death lightly.Vengrat'tua. There will be vengeance.Pirunir Sur'haaise. Make him pay for what he did.





	1. Blood soaked Nightmare

**Author's Note:**

> I want to say I could not have done this without the best editor ever: witchoil  
> She is a blessing and a great mind to bounce ideas off of and a master of rewording things for max feels. 
> 
> This whole thing sprang from a few small concepts, and I am so happy with how they have developed into themes I can explore throughout this story. (and honestly I wanted to write really worthy Prisoner Kylo story at the core.) 
> 
>  [Check out Related Artwork HERE](https://monsterandthemaiden-reylo.tumblr.com/search/Nbt%20art)
> 
>  And free cookies for commenters! ^.^

Rey woke up to the sound of comm beeping loudly next to her ear. She felt small bolts digging into her face and brushed them off before grabbing the device and turning it on. She pulled it to her ear with her responsive arm. The other one was numb from the awkward position it was in for, only the stars knew, how many hours this time.

“Allo?” she mumbled slowly sitting up, feeling her whole body protest. She had fallen asleep working again and her back felt like a luggabeast had sat on it. Her hair had come out of it’s bun, sticking to the sides of her face and neck from sweat.

A deep reptilian voice was on the other end, that she recognized as Rak, the head of Prisoner capture and transport for her sector. He never usually called unless they were about to bring someone to the facility she was stationed at.She knew someone would be brought in soon-ish but the fact that it was so late worried her.

“Vadeem is dead. Kohdat is about to kill our haul. Talk to her.” Worry threaded through the Yinchorri’s low tone, that and desperation. And that was enough to startle Rey to full alertness. The lizard-like species wasn’t prone to showing such emotions. Though Rak and his team had become something as close to family as she had ever known in the few months of knowing them.

“What happened?” she asked hurriedly, her mind racing through thoughts of the couple.They had called each other mates and now one of them was suddenly gone.Vadeem, the fierce warrior and Kohdat, the assassin, only equal to each other in combat and marriage.

“Management asked us to take on a difficult tar- Hollsek! Stop her!” He cut off. Rey stood at attention, her balance off and her head spinning, forcing her to grab the edge of the chair as she heard the garbled sound of wind or fire, and the howls of Kohdat’s rage. Who the hell had been their target?  

She had little time to worry as she heard a human man’s strangled cries of pain and stunted bursts of anger as the warbling sound of movement seemed to be the sound of dragging, maybe a thrashing body. Then what seemed like a crack of a weapon against something and the man’s voice was gone. Though faint, she heard Hollsek’s calming tone and what sounded like choked sobbing further off.

The sound of dragging once more and hissing mechanical parts. Rey dared not speak, feeling frozen as she strained to hear. A clang of metal hitting metal, and Rak sighing.

“Sorry, about that,” he said sounding exhausted. Whatever had happened was over.  After a moment of labored breathing he added, “ Vadeem died well.”  Again came the crackle of static and what Rey guessed was the comm being passed off.  Rey forced herself to sit back down in the chair.  She took deep breaths for what she was sure was about to be one of the harder conversations in her life.

A lighter tone replaced Rak’s, still reptilian and spoken with a thick hiss,

“Rey, _ner ad_ ”   _My daughter_. The words from Kohdat hit the girl hard, for that’s all she felt she was in that moment. The weight of grief of the Yinchorri’s proclamation felt like the memory of an unbearably heavy haul she dragged across the badlands, exhausting her body and mind.

“Vadeem, _ner_ _buir ash’amur ijaat susulur._ “ _My father dies with honor, I hear_. Rey felt the foreign Yinchorri words spill out awkwardly, trying so hard to remember the right order and very sure she was miserably failing. But Kohdat had always been the more traditional one; she might listen better to her own language. And damn if Rey would let all the months of trying to learn the language go to waste now.  

“ _Ner_ Vadeem flame- _shereshoy_ -calls great halls to _olarom_ ,” Kohdat said, stuttering, and Rey could hardly understand. She knew only what she might say to bring some semblance of comfort.

“ _Venmar'eyir ijaat mar'eyce._ ” _He will find honor in the great halls._ Rey said, focusing on the words and not the feeling of loss that she knew would wash over her as well. She could hear Hollsek muttering words of comfort nearby, though with Kohdat's guttural sobbing and choked breaths, it was hard to know what he was saying.

“ _Elek_ , _venmar'eyir_ .” _Yes, he will_ . Kohdat said resolutely. Her voice then turned to something more primal, “ _Vengrat’tua_ ,” _There will be vengeance,_  “Avenge _kaysh ner ad._ ” _Avenge him my daughter._ Rey knew it to be a great honor to be the one to kill those that took your family.

Rak cut back in, yelling, “That is not our mission here!” He sounded every bit the commander he was, even through the miserable sound interference of the comm.

He repeated the command in Yinchorri while Kohdat muttered, “ _Aruetii Demagolka_. _”_   _filthy_ _monster._ Then more ear-ringing disturbance as the comm moved, likely taken back.  

But Rey could hear Kohdat’s resolute request still from the growing distance,

“Rey, _Pirunir sur’haaise._ ” _Make him pay for what he did_. Rey could then only hear the sound of boots walking over some kind of turf.

Rak’s voice is calm once more, “Don’t let you her guilt you into something you will regret, _Verd’ika._ ” _my little soldier_.The word he used was something they would call children, and though the group has started calling her that because of how small she was compared to them, it became a common term of endearment as much as _ner ad-_ _daughter_.

Her silence must have spoken of her conflict on the matter as she heard once more a very human sigh from the commander. Finally, she replied “Of course- I know.”

“We’ll arrive by tomorrow afternoon at the latest. Sleep. In a bed this time,” came the final reply and request before the comm shut off.  She was getting a headache from trying to keep herself calm and finally let out a sob.

Another father, gone. And a spector’s voice she longed to forget infiltrated her memories. ‘ _He would have disappointed you_.’ She hardly noticed she had thrown a harris wrench clear across the room barely scratching one of the thick plated durasteel walls.

Rey went to the bed she hardly used. There she would rid herself of the pain flooding her soul and body by forcing herself to sleep.

She never slept well, though. This night would be no exception, and once again only exhaustion would bring her into the arms of the nightmare once more.

\---

She was in the red room again, the one she only ever saw in the vision or dreams, with a molted human-like creature sitting on a throne. The molted thing was grinning broadly at her.

“You have done well, my young apprentice,” he hissed at her. But it was all wrong. She could feel the weight of Ben’s broken body in her arms, his hands clutching at a gushing wound. Her fingers were so red she knew the stain of the act would never be washed clean.

His eyes shone with betrayal, hurt. His arms were still loosely wrapped around her. He had trusted her and she had killed him.

‘It wasn’t my fault,’ she wants to tell him but her throat closes and her lips are sealed and pushed into a wild grin. The thing on the throne laughs as the light leaves his eyes forever. All because she went to him foolishly thinking she could save him, save the resistance, the galaxy. And instead would become the puppet for whatever sat on the throne.

She could never forget the first time she had seen the vision. So soon after that terrible knowledge of her aloneness in the universe and reaching out to Ben, their hands and minds meeting from across the galaxy. And the terrible vision that no force-negating ysalamirs, no force-repressing cuffs could quell.

\---

Rey woke up fitfully, as usual,this time on the floor next to the bed, the blankets having twisted around her. She managed to pull the pillow down this time at least. She felt the wetness of tears on the pillow and felt her heart wanting to rip in two. Here she was alone again, another father lost. But hands wiped away tears and she dragged herself up, went to the small dresser nearby to grab another set of grey coveralls for the day, and went to the fresher to start the day.

She refused to let grief stop her now. She had lamented too much since she left everything behind.  And Rak would be proud of her for keeping herself together enough to get through the day. Besides she could always sob herself to sleep later, after all was said and done. That was how it always was on Jakku anyway. No point sitting around upset when there was work to be done- If she did, she would have starved. Not that was a concern anymore, thank the stars. Yet again there were many advantages to her life here.

She ate quickly then got to work setting up the dedicated data pad for music and speaker for the day. She flipped through a few of the more melodic channels, grateful she made enough from her employers to choose ones that wouldn’t have ads. The last thing she needed was another commercial about the benefits of investing loans with the InterGalatic Banking Clan. But she had a lot to thank her employers for.

Rey reminded herself that here she was, gainfully employed in what was practically a private retreat, if one could call an old factory in the northern woods of Myrkyr that. She was protected from the reach of the First Order; the Black Sun was surprisingly generous, considering she had what she assumed was a large bounty on her head. But she had worked damn hard to prove her salt as a mechanic and engineer to get here. And as long as she kept producing the force-repressing technology and was able to test it effectively she could continue have some sense of peace. Barring the loss of those she came close to.

And here,most of the time, she could avoid thinking about _him_. Another casualty of fate. Only in her dreams could she even dare think his name. But at least they were truly separated thanks to the elegantly designed wrist cuffs she wore. They were the culmination of so much hard work in re-working old, clunky, half-disintegrated designs for both appeal and efficiency.

The cuffs would appear to be merely jewelry, like a thick bracelet. To think she would have ever worn any such adornments on purpose before. As slender and gorgeous as the linear patterns that streaked across them were, they were dented, slightly scorched by the tools she often used, and currently covered in flecks of oil and grease as was normal nowadays.

As music filtered around the the spacious, drab grey duracrete room, she got back to her workbench. Before her sat a another set of her improved designs of the cuffs, less elegant and more practical, durable, certainly larger than her slim wrists. She remembered getting the dimensions in the latest batch of orders with the new cuffs being the top priority for the day with the prisoner coming in.

The man she had been asked to kill, if she understood Kohdat’s words clearly. Her hands fiddled with the small parts as she thought over the phrase. _Pirunir Sur’haaise_  meant something like “make their eyes water,“ as Hollesk had explained once. Some kind of of slang for not just killing but defeating or injuring an enemy. But knowing Kohdat, it was easy to see which interpretation she meant.

But Rey doubted she would be allowed to do it. She had already allowed one important prisoner to die on her watch, and the message sent was very clear that if it happened again she would be sent to the First Order faster than the Hosnian system had been destroyed. Rak would deal with Kohdat, or else he would talk to Sefor, her local manager, before he permit it to happen.

But whoever this new target was, the cuffs were an expensive piece of work: high quality durasteel, large but able to adjust smaller with all durasteel parts. No cheap plasteel in any nut or bolt of these things. The force-suppressing tech was chem-based, like hers, but using class 2 neurological chemicals that doubled as a sedative. With that level of intensity, it was said anyone subjected to them for a few months could lose the ability to wield the force at all. And the cartridges weren’t cheap either, going for 700 credits each, let alone the 1000 credits for the hardware.  

Whatever management wanted with this guy, they were willing to pay for only the best to keep him. And he must have been powerful to take out the fiery Vadeem. She could only hope the travel collar for prisoners would hold. Rey wasn’t sure she could handle the idea of losing another member of her created family.

Around her workbench was a spread of datapads with various designs and research for her work. The spacious temperature controlled room around her was warm (and unbearably hot for others unaccustomed to heat as she was) and kept slightly humid for the horde of plants on a sill in front of her workspace, which almost seemed out of place with the dull interior.

Rey was able to distract herself with how pleasant the warm beam of sunlight coming in through the transparisteel window felt, landing on the plants, her workspace, and her. And for her it was always preferable to work in the light than use the harsh, grating indoor lights when possible.

\---

After a few hours she sat back, stretching out her back and hearing the telltale cracking, popping sounds that let her know she had been hunched over far too long again. But at least her work was finished. And it wasn’t even time for lunch yet.

She found herself able to better hear the music playing around her, now that she wasn’t concentrating so much. A light melody played and a smooth man’s voice came forth making the room feel a little less lonely.

Music was a luxury Rey had never thought she would be able to afford, thinking back to the fallen AT-AT she had called home, with its sounds of groaning metal from the nightly dust storms. But this place - a semblance of a home if she could claim it - was the antithesis of her old life.

Outside the windows which were scattered on the thick walls was lush green forest, similar to the expanse of green she once saw on Takodana, and in the next room was a variety of meals stored away and a real bed. It was all hers, and here she didn’t have to worry about crazy missions to save the galaxy, the resistance who felt like another lost family. The memory of an older woman’s embrace called back to her-fighting alongside newfound friends--it hurt to even think their names--and escaping to find them once more, and then….seeing one of them die.

No, she couldn’t think about that now. Work now, grieve later. She had to water the plants and  feed the local Ysalamir.

Rey got up and walked briskly across the room. Her body groaned against the sudden movement, her shoes echoing off the hardened surface of the floor, and she determinedly put any thought of people dying aside. She opened a heavy metal door and stepped outside into the verdant green landscape, the music of inside replaced with the squaks and growls of wildlife beyond her view.  She soaked in the now familiar Zaela and Olbio trees and the force-suppressing lizards that lived on them, along with the horn-weed bushes lining the path to the clearing beyond that served as a landing area for ships.

Rey tried to pick out the call of the lantern birds instead of allowing herself to fall into retrospection. Even if she could try to fight off the pressing grief  the memory that she once held dear now only hurt. She remembered seeing Vadeem and Kohdat out here together: Watching them sparring together, showing flashes of pointed teeth as they grinned and threw playful jabs of “ _Laandur_ ”or “ _Pakod_ “. They enjoyed showing their new kin how mates of their species could dance in battle, know each other’s minds well enough to predict every move.

She recalled how on a dark stormy night they performed the right of ‘ _gai bal manda’_ , calling her one of their own in name and soul with the vow.

Yinchorri were known for being distrustful of outsiders, so to be called family by them was an honor. And they had chosen her. Stars -- for the first time she had known some semblance of familial love. Of course, she _would_ have found those who were constantly putting themselves in danger. Hollsek joked about it often enough during the good times, when they could go find some sapflowers in nearby streams or dig up some chak-root for fun. Vadeem could make the best homemade Chakroot liquor. He had said he would teach her one day.

Rey tried to remind herself that at least she had the good memories. There were no happy memories on Jakku, besides leaving it. Her time with the resistance was full of hope but mostly sadness.  And she had gotten a few good months with Vadeem. And she would have many more cycles with Rak, Kohdat, and Hollsek. She was determined on that much now.

She stared up into the canopy above her.The thought came to to mind about the first time she noticed how ‘cut-off’ from the world she felt without the force.  It was like an an extra sense she had never really been aware of until it was taken away from her. But she found she preferred it this way. She got the chance to learn to see the world all over again, having to reach out to touch and feel. It was beautiful to feel...normal in a way.

It made her wonder about _him_ sometimes. If he could feel like this too, unburdened by the weight of legacy or potential. Could he be okay like this too?

Her mind betrayed her and thought of them being here--together. She tried to push away thoughts of him but it was too late.

 _His_ face swarmed back into her mind before fading to the image of a man standing before her in a walkway. _He_ was so far from her, but she knew he was looking at her. _His_ expression was of surprise as if he had seen a ghost.  It wasn’t real.

Rey stepped back, her sore back pushing up against the cool metal wall behind her. A groan of frustration escaped her lips. Her fingers grasped the edges of the cuffs she wore for comfort. It was a memory, a remnant of desire. After a moment she felt safe enough to let go, rubbing her back where it hit and  then bent down to grab the nearby watering can, full of rainwater, and brought it back inside.

She poured the water slowly into the small pots on the sill by the window, carefully around the base of each of the plants. Seeing such vibrant life that she could cultivate, being a creature of the desert, was a minor miracle and brought its own peace. The music played on in the background as she finished watering the plants and started pulling out dead leaves and trimming them as needed, every once and a while pulling a stray hair from her face and tucking it back into the messy bun she wore high on her head. After her experience in the cave on the island, something never felt right about the childish three buns she wore before. But that was neither here nor there. They were part of the past, like the rest of it.

As she finished dumping the browned remains of the plant matter outside, along with the watering can, Rey heard the distinctive beep of the communicator left inside by the speaker. She knew what it meant immediately. Rak and his crew must have landed on one of the further clearings on the other side of the facility. It was time to face her family - and the man who had killed one of them.

\---

Rey made her way through the unused parts of the factory. It was full of large cavernous rooms. And each of them filled with old droid or speeder parts in piles around tiers of machines and conveyor belts to carry pieces of half built  parts along. It was a scavenger’s dream in a way. She sometimes came through and picked through it all, thinking of how many portions she might get for a repulsor drive unit or a salvageable sensor array. It always had a sense of home, this neglected treasure trove, and with the Rak and the others returning, it was almost like a homecoming.  

Rak was already outside the group’s old Trandoshan transport ship, holding a bundle of cloth in one arm and typing something into a datapad. Even from the opening of the garage door she came from she could see the marks of grief, drawn in ash, circling around his spiked green head and neck, and circling around his arms.  It was another tradition Rey had only ever heard about in passing. Something about taking the ashes of the fire from the deceased and having them applied to gain their strength. Just as she moved into the light Rak waved her closer, putting away the datapad in a small bag at his waist.

Rey called out the familiar greeting “ _Olarom ba’buir_ ,” _welcome back, old man._

Rak quickly returned it, “ _Su cuy’gar verd’ ika_ ,“ _hello, my child._ They met in the middle of the path between the clearing and the factory surrounded by horn-weed trees, sun ferns, and small spiny veins of senalak just off the path.  As they neared each other, Rak held out his free arm and Rey followed, until they stood close enough to clasp each other's forearms in a more silent but common greeting. His long, scaled fingers alone encompassed her arm, his claws carefully set back.

“How was the journey here?” Rey asked chiding herself for not thinking of something better to say on the walk here. They released their arms as Rak readjusted whatever the pile of black under his arm was. She decided then, she could ask about exactly what happened the night before after everything here was settled. She wasn’t sure she’d be able to get through the day either. Better to not think about any of that yet.

“A lot of covering our tracks. Management is being very careful with this one. It seems half  the galaxy wants its head on a phrik platter, but the other half would pay a fortune for the human alive.” Rak spat out the words, his ash-marked face grimacing. Well, so much for the old Yinchorri convincing Sefor to let this one disappear. Kohdat was surely devastated, likely already knowing; Compared to Rey who had been left in the dark on this. But it was common procedure for high priority targets. Any long range communication could be dangerous. Now would be as good a time to debrief as any.

“Anything else I should know then?” she asked cautiously, hearing the hum of the repulsorlift coming down the ramp of the ship. She couldn’t see around Rak’s body, but she could hear the murmur of Kohdak’s and Hollsek’s voices in their native tongue not too far off.

“That this is a top level security job. Sefor doesn’t want to risk pulling attention by pulling too many obvious guards too close, though by tomorrow the main base will have more than enough for back-up.“

Rey wasn’t accustomed to high-priority anything here. And she admitted to not knowing enough about the galaxy to guess at who wanted who dead. But all she knew is this man had taken down Vadeem, who once composed epic Yinchorri poetry and then translated it just for her. Who had taught her the various martial forms he had learned in his years of travel. Vadeem had been a kind and patient teacher compared to her other experience. And he was gone.

 _Work now, grieve later_ , she reminded herself.

“So the money stakes must be pretty high, then.”

“Sefor already sent agents in to check on the bids, and the numbers overheated his engines to say the least. Also means with all the secrecy that this might be a long wait -- keeping the human here. I tried to convince Sefor it might be better to keep moving him, after what happened…” He shuddered slightly, “But there is nothing we can do. We’ll make our peace and keep the prisoner alive. Be sure to tell your _buir_ that.“ _mother._ Rey nodded. The sound of the repulsorlift and the other two Yinchorri grew closer.

Before she could think of anything to say, she could hear what sounded like a struggle, a body banging against the insides of the crate. She felt herself lean to the side to see the thing shake slightly as a muffled but hoarse howl of pain came from within it. It made her shiver, reminded of what that device truly was: a way to break a person.

The lift stopped as did those surrounded it, the gargled cry of anger turning to low moaning and attempts to move the large durasteel box from within only met with failure.

Rey stared at the thing, hearing Rak mutter, “The sedatives must be wearing off-again.” Kohdak banged one of her large clawed hands on top of the box where Rey knew the man’s head would be,

“Do not enjoy breath, yes?” She laughed mercilessly. For Rey felt herself flinch watching. It had been strange enough to hear Kohdat in such a state of turmoil the night before, and it was that much more intense seeing her like this now. The female Yinchorri could be harsh, Rey knew, but she had never seen Kohdat being outright cruel.

With her face, neck, and arms marked with the ashes of Vadeem’s pyre, and her voice clearly so full of anger and pain, Rey found it hard to hold back her own emotions. Their job wasn’t done yet, not until the man was safely in the cell. She just had to wait a bit longer.

The steel box emitted a muffled groan in response to Kohdat’s threat and whoever it was inside stopped trying to move, at least for the moment. Rey wondered if Kohdat would really suffocate him, only guessing how terrifying it would be for the one inside. She could remember that function: a mask sealing the lower half of the face, allowing or refusing air at the touch of a button. It also forced tubes down the subject’s throat for food or water, forcing the mouth open. Rey’s jaw hurt just thinking about it.

Then there was quiet once more, besides the hum of the repulsorlift and the wildlife that surrounded them. Kohdat motioned to Hollsek to continue on, her lipless mouth twitching in anger.

Kohdat and Rak grasped each other’s forearms in greeting and the commander spoke resolutely, putting his free hand on Rey’s shoulder as well, adjusting the black bundle to do so.

“ _K’oyacyi. Kebbur ganar mirjahaal_ .” _Hang in there. And try to have a peace of mind._

Both women nodded and Kohdat moved to grasp Rey’s forearm as well, her eyes softening as she looked at the human woman before responding,

“ _Elek. kaysh taab’ echaaj’la_ ” _Yes. He is not gone, merely away._ Kohdat moved to pull Rey into her bosom, holding her tight. Rey had trouble breathing for a moment from the crushing grip but tried feebly to wrap her arms around Kohdat in response as she started to feel a bit dizzy. All she could smell was smoke. And all she could think was that Yinchorri did not embrace each other in such a way, nor had any of them attempted to so with her before.

“ _Ner ad,” Daughter_ , “today I teach how to make _Haatyc or’trikar_ ,” _marks of grief._ Rey felt air fill her lungs as Kohdat released her and pulled out a large animal skin pouch with an intricate design carved into it. Rey knew it to be filled with ash. She nodded in response, feeling any words she could have said stuck in her throat.  

Rak spoke next, “And I will teach you the _cuyan laar._ It is a rememberance of those passed. But after all this.“ He motioned of towards the building into which Hollsek had disappeared. Kohdat made a motion of agreement and started walking away. Rak gently grasped her arm as Rey moved to follow him.

“There is one more thing. A business matter.”  He adjusted the bundle he had been holding under his arm and handed it to Rey. She could better see now that it was a thick black cloth, burned and also smelling heavily of smoke. She could feel the weight of something hard inside it, like the weight of a blaster.

“I know, I know, I’m slightly behind on orders. But I’ll have this batch done by the end of the week. Sefor said it was no problem, right?” Rey found herself asking, thinking that was the only business matter she knew of from the past few days.

“Yes. No problem. There’s a weapon he wants you to work on making replicas of, or reproductions of. Apparently there are certain collectors of Republic-era items that would apparently make management a fortune.“ His tone on ‘fortune’ was as sarcastic as he could physically be. And Rey knew well how the head of the Myrkyr division was only _minorly_ obsessed with the ideas of his projects gaining traction considering the rather niche markets he was assigned. Hearing the Yinchorri’s attempt at humor was enough to hold back the heartache, for the moment.

“Typical Sefor.”

“Typical Sefor. But this means he’s impressed with your work enough. That thing you’re holding is rare. And dangerous.” Rey looked down feeling her mind work. What kind of weapon was he talking about? She had very little idea about much of anything from that era, let alone its weapons. But there was something off about the way he said dangerous, a tremor in his voice.

Rak motioned with his head for her to take a look.  Rey curiously but slowly pulled away the fraying cloth away until a glint of black metal appeared and she almost dropped the thing.

The crafted black hilt -- with its exposed wires and rod terminals, its welded cross guards -- ending with jutting cooling vanes. Its construction exuded an air of inexperience and destruction equally. Just like it’s owner.  

No.

“He killed Vadeem with this?” Rey spoke her tone venomous to her own ears. She was trembling. Was she cursed to lose everyone to this damned saber? And now she was expected to replicate it.

And then it hit her. The man-- it was _him._ She dared not think the name -- she swore she wouldn’t in the waking world. The dizziness returned. Everything came back: from the moment she first saw him stalking her in the forest, their minds connecting for the first time in that terrible room, seeing the blade struck through Han’s chest.  Rey could feel the sensation of a planet splitting itself apart as they fought.

The hate and rage she felt at his mere presence in the universe even as she had cut him down.

Then -- his mind brushing up against hers once more. _Him_ , the self-proclaimed monster who wasn’t all she assumed him to be. Who felt pain and loneliness as she did. Who was the only one who had understood the power within her and not been afraid. She had felt that much.  She should have hated him. She could not hate what felt like a connection that was part of her soul.

 _He_ told her to let the past die. And so she had. She left everything behind to save them both from that terrible vision of the future.

Yet here he was. Her prisoner.

It was a great honor to be the one to kill those that took your family.

Kohdat’s word struck her like a fatal blow to everything she had built here. Everything _he_ could tear away with his mere presence.

 _Vengrat’tua_ ,

 _There will be vengeance,_  

_Pirunir sur’haaise._

_Make him pay for what he did_.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cookies for commentators! Tell me your fav type of cookie. ^.^
> 
> Thank you to Quietriot for the beautiful moodboard!
> 
> Thoughts about mood boards in chapters: Yay or Nay?
> 
>  
> 
> [Check out Related Artwork HERE](https://monsterandthemaiden-reylo.tumblr.com/search/Nbt%20art)


	2. Down into the Depths

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey goes to confront what she has so desperately been running from.
> 
> This chapter's unofficial title is "kylo-in-the box". Take that as you will.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMG this has been one of the hardest chapters I have ever written for a story ever. Thank you so much to my EVER Patient, ever amazing, and amazing Senpai, Witchoil for being the best of betas. (Also check out her fics here on Ao3!) 
> 
> I hope you enjoy all the fun tension and angst in this as much as I do.

 

The Yinchorri commander went ahead, knowing Rey needed to be alone. The verdant green surrounding Rey started to shift to the tawny dust of memory.  A phantom wind,  essence of destruction and freedom, whipped around her. Her body urged her to go inside,  where it was safe.

The cavernous rooms of the old factory felt like the bowels  of the old wrecks on Jakku, where she often found herself trapped during sandstorms.

During those times Rey wandered, sometimes finding old functioning chronos to pass the time. Such abstract things, they were, with their ever shifting numbers--long segmented lines like open and closed doors.

There were 12 doors between the imagined storm and her destination. The sense of whirling sand around her pulled back just enough to see the streams of light coming in through the ceiling. The closer Rey moved to him the darker her world would become, like peering into  broken, inky black screens.

11 doors. The light of the window was warm on her back as the burning lightsaber left her grasp. Into the safe it went alongside hers. The dark and light blades would be locked away from prying eyes.

The lights of the elevator flickered as Rey descended underground to the “bunker” where prisoners were kept, much like the relentless forward motion of a chrono’s numbers.

10 doors. The sound of  a thudding  gate echoed around the buried caverns and the bunker. The wind was gone.The false daylight above held no warmth.

8 doors. Rey’s _buir_ meets her. She feels the jagged edge of the knife being pressed into her hands.

Rey swears she hears the creaking groan of one of an old wrecks slowly sinking into sand. She thinks enough to put the knife out of sight as Kohdat whispers, “Not now, but if need.”  Like fingers pressing into cracks on a dusty screen, numbers under it warping.

Rey sees Rak in the settling imagined clouds of dust. She hears herself speak, knowing they would worry if she didn’t, “What happened last night?”

Rak quickly answers, “Kohdat tried to throw the prisoner into the bonfire with Vadeem.” Kohdat verbally cuts back at him and the  arguing begins. Rey moves away, grabbing the supply box the commander has prepared and makes her way deeper into the bunker.

5 doors. Hollsek meets her in the hallway. He has done his duty. She speaks more honestly.

“How badly is he hurt?”

Hollsek answers with a sigh, “I patched him up on the ship, while we could keep him unconscious. It wasn’t very long.” His expression is one of sympathy.

Rey tries to ignore it. “Sefor will want him in good shape.” The gentlest of the ‘family’ gives her the handheld control she’ll need and pats her on the back.

2 doors. The hallway outside the cell was lit only by thin segmented strips of light along the floor, bathing the area in a hazy gray tint. Time has no meaning here.

1 door.  Rey stands in a small suffocating room of near blackness. Small enough that its walls are in arms reach. It is far too quiet.

She would need to comm the others to be let out. Trapped inside, but never alone.  After all, anything was better than being alone, better than losing her way in the old wrecks as they slowly drowned in sand. She pushed through the feelings of darkness choking her.

Rey quickly presses her hand to the device on the wall to let her in. The door opens and Rey steps inside the cell before she could change her mind.

\---

The echoing silence turned into the rapid sound of a heartbeat--two hearts--beating. His breath, strained and desperate, was like a weak breeze through the heavy metal that contained him. She could hear it hitch as the hiss of the door closing sounded behind her, sealing them in together.

The air tasted stale and recycled. The low hum of the ventilation systems was hardly a distraction.

The room was the same as always. A segmented strip of light ran across the floor along the edges of the room, bathing it in the same ashen haze as the hallway outside. There was a low built-in platform that served as a bed on her left. On it lay a thin cushion, small pillow, and meager blanket. Everything was the same cold gray color: the items on the bed, ceiling, walls, floors -- even the crate sitting before her.   It took up most of the floor space left.

Everything became far too clear. Gone was the sandstorm, the wrecks, the chronos. Only he was here.

Her body jolted forward, the dry air suddenly seeming not enough to fully breathe. The supply box, under her arm, nearly slipped out of her grasp. She took a deep breath and placed the box on the ground, her knees following. She pressed her hands to the smooth metal floor. Her ragged breathing mirroring his.

_Demagolka_ , Kohdat had called him. _Monster._

What would he be now, monster or human?

She grasped for the control at her waist with twitching fingers.

A click of a few buttons, and the locks along the lid disengaged and the pressure seal hissed open.  With it came the clinking of metal, the top part of the crate rising through hydraulic gears.  An unruly mass of ash-covered and singed black hair, partly covered by dark syncloth, came into view. The fraying edges of the fabric were knotted, into his hair at the back of his head.

Rey shuddered. Her knees stirred to move, to allow her to stand, but her body was dead weight beneath her.

His eyes were bound in layers of the black fabric, his head slowly twisting as if to shake the covering loose.

Had he recognized her voice? Did he know it was her before him?

Her lip quivered.

Deep, angry, red indents could be seen streaked across his cheeks, nose and around the edges of his jaw, which hung loose.  There was fresh blood and dried spit around cracked and weeping lips -- lips trying to move, perhaps to speak. What came forth was a throaty, strained sputtering that she could barely hear over the whirring mechanics.

Yet her ears strained to hear. Where was his low dulcet voice? Had it been ground down to dust so quickly? Pinpricks of tears dotted the edges of her eyes.

Revealed next, half-hidden under hair and cloth, was the scar she gave him. It trailed down his cheek and neck disappearing under a layer of bruising, dirt and ash, and  a heavy transport collar. The weight of the collar pulled his head forward against the device lifting his upper body ever more upright.

Rey’s fingers unclenched from the fist they had become, uncurling towards him, able to see his throat bobbing with heavy breaths. Her fingers inched toward him but her body stoutly refused to move.

Halfway through the opening sequence, Kylo started struggling against his prison. His shoulders tensed against their bound position: pulled back behind him, with his elbows bound as near together as the restraints would allow. He dragged his head up further, even as he grit his teeth in pain at the action, his lips drawn back in a snarl.

Rey’s quickly withdrew her outstretched fingers, wiping away the tears, forcing herself to stay put.

His legs were forced to kneel beneath him--And with his arms bound so tightly behind him, his body forcibly bowed forward as well. The thick chain links that bound both his elbows and wrists to the lid of the crate were too few and sang at every movement Kylo made against them.

The bones in his neck could be heard popping and cracking in his efforts to free himself, shoulders flexing against the binds around his elbows and wrists, which clanked against the durasteel lid.

Like a captured Nexu -- desperate to strike. Rey strained to not shrink back now, cringing against the cacophony of sounds assaulting her. But then his body sagged forward slightly, exposing long fingers splayed against the thick metal lid of the crate behind them as if he could gain leverage somehow.

Rey couldn’t tell what gave her to courage to move forward again: the silence as the gears finally stopped turning, how his body relaxed and his hands stilled. Her fingers itched to touch, to feel his skin against hers. To see if his fingertips still felt as rough and callous as she remembered.

With her such a  scant distance away from the crate, she could feel his breath now against her face, a metallic scent coming with it. Kylo’s broad chest become still, body stiffening once more, his head slightly inclining towards her.

Could he feel her breath on him as well?

Rey’s body froze up while his muscles rippled in anticipation, like a predator preparing to strike. Dried rivulets of  blood were spotted around his chest and arms. Rey knew their cause well enough.

She wondered how long it took for the team to take him down after all.

She could see it in her mind’s eye.

A circle of bounty hunters armed with ysalamiri cages and her family armed with their plans, Kylo on the ground half immobilized. Cut off from his primary weapon,the force, he still struck out with his lightsaber.  He roared and growled against any who came too close.

Then Ben waking up to being dragged, unable to see but able to feel the torrid heat of a fire, body still barely responsive as his voice, a shattered version of itself came forth screaming, trying so hard to fight still.

Rey could imagine him being locked in the hellish box forcing his body to bend in submission, every part of him invaded by tubes and restraints. Feeling his body--her body-- burn with pain of cramped muscles, burns, the feeling of the dozens of needles that had been stabbed into him. And finally giving in and everything fading to black.

Rey’s hands moved to the cuffs around her wrists, eyeing the collar around his neck. There was no way she just saw what he saw--feel what he felt. It was impossible.  Tears openly fell now, Her hands splayed on the ground,  breath a shudder.

Her lips moved of their own accord. His name unconsciously escaping her throat before she could stop herself, trembling and vulnerable.

“Oh, Ben.”

His body grew slack. He took a few, long, forced breaths. Ben’s head jolted towards her, as if he could see her through the layers of the makeshift blindfold. Their faces were almost touching. He certainly knew it was her now. He slowly worked his jaw closed, lips twitching in the effort of it.  his pallid complexion tinged with splotches of red that hadn’t been there moments before.

 Rey reeled back and something came into view.

His bare thigh, bruised and coated in the same dirt and blood. Rey averted her eyes immediately, feeling the heat of embarrassment rise within her. Her eyes narrowed in on the ‘bed’ with its small offerings of comfort. Before she knew what she was doing, she scrambled across the tiny space to grab the thin blanket from the low built-in platform.  

Rey’s eyes glared up at the one hidden camera in the room. Were they watching? Did they tell her about this?

Her jaw clenched  at the thought.Yet her memory of what happened before entering the cell was all a haze, with what Rak or Hollsek might have told her. The tenseness dissipated as fast as it came. Perhaps she merely didn’t remember such a specific detail about him being totally unclothed. Eyes still glued to the camera she shook her head. Of course she would have remembered that. A small huff escaped her lips.

A shuffling behind her caught Rey’s attention.

Ben had managed to free one of his legs from the kneeling position. One of his long legs was half pulled up against the edge of the inside of the crate, nearly touching his chest. His already bowed body attempted to further curl forward against the now raised knee. His still shackled arms tugged forward in frustration, the binding metal links to the crate lid ringing out around the room.

He let out a low groan of frustration. But his head remained firmly facing towards her. It was unnerving really, the sense of his gaze when all she could see was the black syncloth.  

Ben attempted to lurch upwards from the one raised knee, pushing up as if to stand. His other leg attempted to rise as well but the positioning of his arms would not allow it. He let out a hoarse growl but heaving breaths gave away his weakened state and his body yielded.  His hands slipped against the smooth surface. There was nothing for his hands to grasp. There was no way to rise further. His body fell back onto the single raised leg, curling back over it, a knobbly knee shaking to hold position.

Rey drew in a long breath that she didn’t realize she’d been holding. She tasted burnt things, earth, and sweat. Her grip on the blanket tightened as her nose wrinkled at the scent.  Her hands fumbled to unfold the blanket before she shuffled across the room, keeping a wary eye on syncloth-covered features. Shakily she moved just close enough to hold out the blanket so she could drop the covering over his legs.

As soon as the fabric touched his legs, Ben’s body jerked away as if burned, an almost unheard whimper escaping finally closed lips. And like the waxing and waning of moons, Rey pulled back once more. A tide to the mere whims of his push and pull. A barbed thunderous sound arose from him, twisting itself into a fierce savage scream emitting from cracked and bleeding lips.

There weren’t any discernible words. Just scorching rage erupting from dark depths. And it was directed at her-- like a trapped pole snake he pulled his body up full of roiling, blind, desperate fury consuming any sense of reason.

Not that it could last. The sound soon faded. Kylo collapsed back, coughs wracking his body, more blood and spit appearing at the corners of his mouth. His legs slipped back to the previous kneeling position, the loud whack of bone to metal caused Rey to flinch. But her eyes had kept a close watch on the extent of his range of movement.

She hardly noticed how more tears burned her vision Her reedy breaths filled the room, fingers digging into palms as they lay on the ground. There was still work to do.

Rey’s fingers pulled back towards her body, the deep indents in her palm burning. She steadied her breath, looking at the dark syncloth defiantly.  She shuffled forward on her knees cautiously. Her fingers picked up the edges of the blanket and carefully readjusted it over his legs. His body quivered as the fabric slid back into place, another round of coughing bringing up more blood which dripped down his chest--over the blanket. A drop landing on her retreating hands. Red blood. Human blood.

Her eyes darted back up. Rey needed to see--

Now steady hands moved to the knots binding the fabric around Kylo’s head. Rey pulled her slender fingers pulled through the straggly and matted clumps of hair as carefully as she could. He jerked his head away from the sensation, more blood and spittle making their way onto Rey’s arms. She set her mouth in a hard line and kept working against his show of stubborn perseverance.  Part of her demanded she speak, but her voice caught in her throat.

After what seemed an eternity, the knots freed, Rey’s hands were covered in dirt and ash. The fabric sagged forward and she unwound the rest of it, revealing a furrowed brow, eyes clenched shut. The syncloth lay in her hands and she moved it to touch his forehead-as if to pull away the tenseness remaining there. Her cloth covered fingers pulled back hair, tugged away lines of dirt from his cheeks, chin, nose, mouth. She could feel the cracks in his lips. His jaw was quivering, but his breathing was a forced steady calm.

His eyes slowly blinked open as Rey held the cloth to his weeping lip. The intensity of his gaze was staggering.  Yet when she drew her eyes to meet it Rey saw not molten hot liquid but flickering firelight. Just like that night. A warm fire on a cool night, their bare hands -- bared souls confessing loneliness and promising belonging.

Her fingers slipped down, losing contact with his battered skin. Her mouth hung open but there were no words. The coldness seeped back into his gaze, around red-rimmed eyes as he looked away. The tear-stained cloth remained held tightly in her grip. His bleary eyes scrutinized the room, lingering on the door behind Rey. His cheeks grew hot with shame, gaze darkening as his eyes found hers again. A muscle in his jaw twitched as he gritted his teeth.  

The man spat out a single word, hardly more than a scratchy whisper, his body shuddering from the effort. A single word said as if it could rend her in two.

“You.”

_Pirunir sur’haaise, Kohdat had said. Make his eyes water._

The coughing returned as if  his body wanted to expel even the thought of her.  His mouth opened once more, teeth grit, like he would bite her in half if she dare come close enough. Rey refused to move back. Kylo straightened his body, to the full extent of the bonds that held him, the gentle clink of chains as his body pulled towards her. His expression dared her to touch him again, his muscles straining once more.

Rey refused to move, their faces now inches away from each other once more. She knew exactly how far he could go. She knew he couldn’t hurt her. Even as this dark prince turned into beast. He stared at her for another moment defiantly before backing down, head turning away, singed hair covering his eyes. They both breathed deeply.

Rey needed to get him out of the crate. The sooner the better.

Her hands grasped the edge of the blanket around his waist once more and and pulled the edges of it to Ben’s side and tied a knot so it would stay wrapped around his waist for what would come next. He took staggering breaths as Rey worked but did not move.

“I’m going to release your arms.” His gaze met hers once more. A moment of pleading shoved back before a glare took its place. His body shook.

Rey took a calming breath. Slow and steady. A hand moved into the pouch at her waist to grab the control once more. She pressed the button that allowed for a timed release before putting it back. Then Rey watched and waited, her arms loose as her side.

First the click of the restraints holding his elbows released. Ben let out a creaking groan, stretching his upper arms instinctively. His wrists were released next. The muscles in his arms twitched as he rolled his shoulders forward, dragging his arms to his sides. His face contorted in pain.

Rey forced herself to stay still even as her hands flinched forward, wanting to help. Ben pulled his arms to grasp the edges of the crate, shakily trying to stand. His whole body was a tremor of effort. He wouldn't look at her -- his desperation was evident.

Ben's unstable legs lifted slowly, wheezing from the effort. His arms wobbled, one soon collapsing. He started to fall forward.

Rey caught him with her hands, both of them freezing up. The lightsaber wound on his left shoulder was a rough circle of taut skin under her palm. He was so warm, slick with perspiration, as if burning in the heat in the desert. The warmth felt like home.

His narrowed eyes flicked to her hands on his shoulders. He moved to shrug her off.

"Please," Rey said.

Ben’s expression softened against her plea. Rey held out her arms towards him. He took a cautious breath and an placed an unsteady hand on her outstretched arm. His fingers easily enveloped it. His grip was hesitant , his other arm reaching for hers as if made of rubber.

Ben's face shifted to one of dire concentration as half-numb limbs tried to hold onto her arms. He tried to pull himself up, Rey helping as much as she could, feeling her muscles strain to hold his weight.  Slowly he rose up, bowed forward and leaning over her. His shoulder lay against hers. Rey's head shored up his chest from falling any further. Both were shaking.

She felt his heartbeat so clearly, shallow and pulsing to echo hers. Rey's fingers laced around his  forearms to get a better grip. his grasp on her was bruising.

Not that it mattered. He was so close to her.  Rey closed her eyes just for a moment, taking in how his body felt against hers.

One of  Ben's bent legs shifted as to pull itself over the edge of the crate. Rey bore the brunt of his weight with as much grace as she could. He was moving too quickly for someone in his state.

"Slow," Rey demanded gruffly. But he wouldn't listen. And as predicted, as soon as Ben managed to get both his legs over the edge his body gave in. His arms loosened.  Rey caught him, hooking her arms under his and pulling his body fully against hers. Ben scrambled to adjust, his arms wrapping around her for support.

Together they moved just clear of the crate before Rey slowly starting sinking down under his weight.  He didn’t fight her hold on him now. Ben let out a guttural sob, long fingers twisting themselves into the fabric of her coveralls.  Rey manages to get them to the bottom edge of the platform bed, where she gets him to sit up against it.

She unhooks her arms from his but Ben doesn’t let her go. His body curls against her, forcing her to kneel beside him. His still bent legs brush against her side. His head burrows into her shoulder,

“Stay,” he whispers.

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yinchorri translations:  
> Buir- mother  
> Demogolka- monster  
> Pirunir sur’haaise. -Make him pay for what he did/ Make his eyes water
> 
>  
> 
> [Check out Related Artwork HERE](https://monsterandthemaiden-reylo.tumblr.com/search/Nbt%20art)
> 
>  
> 
> Cookies and love to all those that comment. I take suggestions as well, if there is anything you want to see.


	3. Prayers of Sorrow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What is the nature of of normality, family, and home? What can they mean to each of us?
> 
> Rey helps Ben work through the various injuries to both his body and mind. But she also must attend to funeral rites of the man Ben killed.

                                    

Ben sat coiled around Rey, fingers clenched tightly onto fabric on the back of her clothes. His grip was surprisingly strong. Rey moved to adjust her knees over the strip of light that ran beneath Ben and her. It was warm beneath them. As Rey attempted to move, his clenched hands became claws, pulling her even closer to him. She found herself staring at the long lightsaber scar crossing his right shoulder and chest, bisected by the thick metal band around his neck.

“I promise, I won’t leave,” Rey said, her voice calm and steady. The anger had drained away from Ben’s face, leaving only a childish look of need. Rey could see his body was in need of mending more than anything else and she needed to get him off the ground. “The bed would be better.”

Rey tugged at Kylo’s arms where they coiled around her like heavy vines. But it was no use. She relented. She wrapped her arms around his back. She felt an endless array of overlapping raised lines like a vista of sand dunes under her roaming fingers. Rey never had gotten a proper look before. His hands loosened at her touch, picking at the fabric of her coveralls. Rey so desperately wanted to know how the sand dune scars came to be. But Ben needed her, and she had to do her job still. She made a move to stand again.

“Please,” Rey asked in a honeyed tone. She adjusted her arms to grip fully around Ben. She tried to see his face but he had leaned forward, his hair a curtain before him.

“Wait,” Ben rasped out. He took in a few sharp intakes of breath before loosening an arm from the tight hold on Rey and slowly reaching up to grab the grab the edge of the raised platform beside them. His other arm moved to Rey’s forearm once more, and gripped it. She held back. Slowly the two rose together, Ben’s legs unable to straighten too much. Using Rey’s support and his own arm on the bed, they managed to haul his body up onto it. Rey helped adjust him so he could lie on his back, the blanket wrapped around his waist and fully covering his legs.

Ben held tight to the one arm he captured. Rey used her free hand to adjust the pillow under his head. She let him keep hold of her arm. He didn’t trust her promise of staying. He had no reason to.

Rey went through the list of things she needed to do once more after it seemed like Ben had fallen into an uneasy sleep. She started to move away from the bed when Ben's hand tightened around her wrist once more. She was hardly surprised.

“You need to drink something,” she explained.

“I need--” He started, a silence hanging in the air.

He was staring at her, both eyes burning into her and freezing her with his gaze. His fingers shifted, stroking the skin on the underside of her wrist in small circles. His eyes widened for a moment, as if realizing something. His gaze broke away from her, darting to the ceiling. His hand retreated.

Rey shuffled back to grab the supply box and placed it on the ground next to the bed. She took a plasteel cup from inside it and went to the small attached refresher, feeling Ben's eyes burning into her back. She closed the door. She put the cup down in the sink and started filling it with water.

He had been looking for her. That's why he had come close enough to be captured. His eyes had been hungry and his touch soothing, even with his body so beaten down. Her hands clutched the edges of the sink, heart pounding. The room spun and the cup began to overflow with water. Rey hastily turned off the faucet.

Though she couldn’t see it, Rey swore she heard water dripping, quiet at first. It quickly grew louder like a sudden rainstorm around her, drowning out any thought with how it pounded against the metal walls and floor.

She looked down. Her hands were dripping with blood, the thick viscous liquid warm and staining. What seemed like a current of electricity pulled at the hairs at the back of her neck.  Someone else was there -- staring. Rey couldn’t move, her eyes stuck staring at her now-clean hands. Breathing deeply Rey imagined a strong door hissing closed in her mind, and shoved with all her might.

The surge of rainfall in the room dampened, slowly dissipating, and finally faded into nothingness.

And it was gone. Rey’s body folded underneath her. It was that molting creature, she knew it. A sob broke from her. She shoved her hand against her mouth, not letting the sound escape from her. Bile rose up in her throat and she fought to push it back. _Not now._

That thing never appeared out of dreams before. But now Ben was here and so it, too, followed in visions. Just as she worried. She imagined the strong door in her head being reinforced. She would not let that thing in again. She splashed her face with cold water to wash away the tear stains from her cheeks and brought herself back to center before going back to the adjoining room.

She would eventually ask Ben about it. Whatever that thing was that haunted her dreams and now reality. But not yet. There was much to be done still.

\---

Rey sat on the edge of the platform, legs dangling off the edge. Ben was laid beside her on his back. His lips no longer looked as cracked and dry. After using a towel to wipe down what exposed skin she could reach, the small trails of blood and patches of dirt disappeared, only to reveal more layers of silvery scars and light bruising. But nothing looked too serious that couldn't be fixed by bacta.

They had fallen into silence as she started applying bacta to the various injuries. The thick gelatinous substance coated her fingers as she ran them over the bruises on Ben's wrists. They felt no need to speak. Rey wasn't sure how much she could, still feeling unnerved after what happened in the refresher. Silence was easier. It was something they both understood. A briny, medicinal scent filled the room. Rey had always hated the smell of bacta.

His legs were still half-bent, one of his knees against her back. Every once in a while Ben attempted to move them, but his face twisted in pain and he gave up each time, too exhausted to keep going. Rey tried not to think about the how much of his body she had come to know in such a short span of time. She also tried to not think about how one of his hands had rested on her leg, as if to assure she was still there, even when he was half-asleep.

But it felt so natural. Which made no sense. None of this did.

\---

Rey eventually nudged her leg free from Ben’s grasp. He moved his arms to lay partially under the folded pillow beneath his head instead, grumbling in his half conscious state.

She scooted down to the lower half of the bed next to Ben’s still bent legs. He wouldn't like this. She laid one hand just above his knee and the other on his calf. His head lolled to the side, blearily looking at her.

“Your legs can’t stay like this,” Rey said quickly, feeling the tightened muscles through the coarse fabric of the blanket. Slowly one arm pushed and the other pulled, muscles spasming and Ben holding back a grunt of pain through gritted teeth. And after a few minutes of kneading the stubborn muscles, one leg was almost straight and she moved to the other.

“I saw you in a dream -- a dark walkway.” Ben said as she worked.

“That...that was real then,“ she heard herself mumble. It confirmed what she knew to be true--about him and the molted thing. She looked back to see Ben’s contemplative expression.

“But how?” He asked, looking back up at the ceiling in reflection. Rey had no answers to give. But she found herself able to enjoy his pensive expression even with with her new concerns. He almost looked at ease. She got back to work, slowly kneading muscles until they gave way.

\---

Rey had ended up sitting back against a piece of wall at the end of the bed, Ben lying down next to her on his side now. He appeared half asleep once more,with the exception of one hand. Ben’s fingers ran over one of the cuffs around her wrists, wiping away the bits of dirt and grime from the engraved linear designs. His movements were slow and cautious. He must have known the purpose of the cuffs by now.

She heard the innocuous sound of gears turning from the metal band around Kylo’s neck. His large hand clawed onto her arm as his face turned into a grimace, the other reaching up to grip the collar as if he could pull it off. His body trembled from the force-suppressing toxins spreading throughout his body.

She waited for anger -- a demand of some kind -- but he just stared at the cuffs around her wrist, grip loosening. He turned his head just slightly to look up at her. He bit his lip looking like he had a question.

“Was it painful? When you first started wearing these?” he murmured picking at her cuff again.

“Physically yeah. You get used to it.  At first--It was strange-- like losing a limb I never knew I had,” she offers with uncertainty.

“And now?” he continues meekly.

“I feel at peace with it. Normal maybe.”

“What is it like to feel normal?Everything is so blurry. Like I can’t see clearly anymore.”

“But it’s nice to reach out and touch things. Without the burden of knowing.”

“How can you choose to live without being able to see things clearly?”

Rey tried to go back and remember. Remember when all this was newer to her, when the world suddenly became so much more quiet and peaceful. She couldn’t imagine going back now -- to that overwhelming cacophony of sensations that assaulted her senses and mind. Luke had taught her how to open herself to force-- but not how to close it off.

“How could you live being so utterly aware all the time?” She questioned back. His dark eyes widened up at her.

“You shut it out. Like closing a door.”

“Closing a door…” Rey muttered back, taking in a shuddering breath and looking back to the refresher. She looked back to see a concerned expression from Ben, but he didn't pry. So they settled back on silence once more.

A few minutes later, Rey saw that the  bacta had sat long enough on Ben's wrists to heal the bit of bruising and it was likely time to get the cuffs she had made for him. She toweled away the the remaining substance.

“I made something for you,” she said.

She put down the towel and pulled out the cuffs from the pouch at her waist. He took a weary breath, eyeing the 'gift’ she presented him. She placed the metal bands in his hands.

“You made them?”

She nodded. He went back to inspecting the objects in his hands.

"I designed the them with a lot more-- _delicacy_ than the collar. They’re more comfortable, I promise.” He put one of cuffs down delicately, and reached up for the band around his neck.

“This can come off then?” He ineffectively tried to hide his hope in such a question. His fingers grasped around the collar, turning white, and Rey watched him swallow a moment of anger. She felt her body stiffen automatically in response. She prayed he hadn't noticed.

“As soon as the cuffs go on, yes.” His fingers unraveled from the collar. He placed the cuffs she made for him back in her hands and then rested his wrists over her legs, waiting. He clenched his eyes tight, his hands curling into fists but he did not make a single move to stop her as Rey placed  the cuffs on his wrists, carefully tightening and locking them in place.

"You'll need to sit up for the next bit," Rey said. Ben slowly complied, his body only barely cooperating with him. Rey moved to help.

"I'm fine," he huffed. He dragged his body to sit up against the piece of wall behind him. Rey got the small opening device for the collar and moved to kneel next to Ben on the bed. She gently pulled away the hair at the back of his neck that covered the metal band. His hand grasped the fabric bunched up around Rey's knees.

Once unlocked, she carefully pulled away the heavy metal collar, more rivulets of blood flowing down Ben's back from where the needles entered his spine. He breathed deeply once the collar was gone. Tired from the effort of merely sitting up, he lolled his head against Rey's shoulder, her fingers resting over the pinpricks at the back of his neck.

\---

Rey heard the chirp of the comm after Ben fell asleep once more. She went back to the refresher to answer it.

It was Hollsek, telling her it was time to leave.

When she came back, Ben was awake. She made her excuses to leave the cell -- she needed to find him clothes and a proper blanket. This time, Rey did not get close enough to the bed for him to reach her.

"I promise I'll be right back."  

\---

Rey closed her eyes, feeling the air rush into the tiny room between the cell and the hall. She stepped out onto another lighted strip, warm beneath her feet. Heavy thudding footsteps approached. A towering Yinchorri man stormed downs the halls, his clawed feet clacking against the metal floors.

“ _Ka’ra! (Stars)_ what do you think you’re doing?” Hollsek demanded. Rey forced herself to sheepishly grin up at him. His clawed fingers twitched with agitation as he reached for her. They rested on her shoulders, a huff escaping with a hiss from reptilian lips.

“My job, last I checked. Thank you for the concern.” She started out trying to sound self assured and likely failing miserably.

“I will never understand you. And you OWE me for keeping the others away. You can’t help every single being who is kept prisoner here. I know it’s hard, but you always feel the need to act above and beyond the call of duty.”

Rey forced the false smile to remain. She had lots of time to think about the excuses to make when someone saw her being far more friendly then she should have been with Ben.

“One day I will leave my heart out of this. But I promised we wouldn’t lose another.” It wasn't a lie. Hollsek’s large hands encompassed her shoulders, weighing heavier on her as he pulled her closer.

“That wasn’t your fault. Stop blaming yourself. Being kind to _mirci’t (prisoners)_ here will not help.” Vadeem would have disagreed, Rey knew. But he was not here to fight for her anymore.

“I just knew it would move things along easier if he didn’t fight. Acting as I did was enough to keep him calm and allow me to work.”.

“Next time, just let the sedatives do the work. For all our sakes.” His hands dropped from her shoulders, his eyes widening in expectation of a response. Rey bit her lip.

“I can make no promises,” she said, voice solemn.

Hollsek’s hands sprung to his sides in frustration.

“It can’t be helped then. I can at least tell them I tried. But you-- you are _dini’la.” Insane._ Hollsek's voice pitched in amusement at the usual banter. They had often had this conversation in the past. Rey forced herself to go along, half-heartedly grinning.

_“Gar serim.” You got that right._

_“Mir’sheb.” Smartass._ It was Hollsek’s preferred nickname for her. A real smile broke through now. Hollsek smiled too, shaking his head, a line of pointed teeth showing under a thin green lip.

“You are always right, _ori’vad,” brother._ Rey said, showing deference.

“ _Gar serim,_ ” he shot back at her. “Let’s go. The others are waiting.”

Rey turned back, looking at the door she came from. She had promised she’d come right back. She started to speak but Hollsek raised a hand.

“No excuses. The _mirci’t_ ( _prisoner_ ) can wait” Rey knew it would be pointless. Her eyes lingered on the cell door as she followed Hollsek back through the maze of corridors.

_Cuyan laar. The Survivor’s song._

_Ni Su’cuyi. I’m still alive_

Kohdat and Rey stood outside the family's ship in the clearing. The beginnings of dusk were settling in. They had gone ahead to help Rey prepare for the night.

Smooth pads of scales ran over Rey’s back, smoothing over the water-like fabric of a ceremonial dress. When Kodhat finished she took Rey’s hands in her own. Her small hands were those of of a child in comparison to the Yinchorri woman. Her _buir’s_ long digits closed over Rey’s fingers, covering them entirely. The sturdiness of her grip was reassuring with how utterly exposed Rey felt. Chilly air caressed her bare arms and most of her legs. The blood-dyed fabric clung to her chest and flowed around her legs in segmented strips.

Kohdat murmured something and closed her eyes. Rey couldn’t understand the words her _buir_ used at first, but she said something at the end. Yinchorri did not cry, but there were tears in Kodhat’s voice.

“ _Ner’ad_ ,” _my daughter._ Her grip dug deep into Rey’s wrists, claws digging into her skin. Rey did not flinch.

“ _Ner’buir_ ,” my mother, Rey responded. Rey’s fingers gripped back with all the strength she had.

_Gar Kyr’adc. But you are dead_

Rey sat at the window of her workshop. She looked out of the transparisteel window, rays of dusk settling over her. Even with the heaters, the room felt cool with just the fabric of the thin dress to cover her. The others had gone back to their ship to get changed and prepare for the ceremony. She thought of long conversations she and Vadeem once held while she was working in the factory, often leaning against that tall window.

She would jokingly complain  how he was blocking the best light for her to work and he would retort back easily.

‘ _Make me move then Verd’ika.’_

Rey may have been strong but she would not be able to move him, standing at nearly twice her height, if he didn’t wish to be moved. She never really minded, though. He had deserved to bask in all the light he wanted.

The air smelled of earth and metal, but Rey could still faintly smell the briny bacta on her skin, even though she had attempted to scrub it off. Her mind wandered to the caverns below and Ben. She chastised herself for even thinking about it. Here she was, about to do a ceremony for the man he had killed. Where had her grief gone? Was the dress she wore no more than a costume? The cool evening air seeped in through the opened door as Hollsek came back. He was dressed in a long brownish red tunic and robe, and some kind of ceremonial chestplate. It held the image of a star and wings blazoned across the front of it. The sign of Vadeem's clan. Her clan.

The two walked out towards the wilderness, to another small prepped clearing. Darkness fully settled in as did the cold. Hollsek placed the robe over her shoulders after seeing her start to shiver. He understood. Yinchorri was a rocky desert planet, like Jakku. Though none of the family lived there for long, they were built for the heat. She stole one last glance back towards the shrinking building behind her.

"We need to talk about _aruetti(outsider)_ later," Hollsek said, looking back as well, "but for now-- _echoylir(grieve)._ " Rey merely nodded, bunching up the overlarge robe so it didn't trail on the ground behind her. Guilt wracked her. Vadeem had always been more understanding of her concerns.

He had found her empathy endearing as much as he appreciated her ability in fighting. He always said his clan and him were strange for their race, being mixed in blood with other races over millennia. And he had said Rey was their kind of strange.

 _"Olarim" Welcome_ , Rak said as Hollsek and Rey met him under moonlight. He stood next to a tall pile of carefully stacked wooden logs, Kohdat sitting on the ground in front of a mortar and pestle. Rak wore the same kind of tunic, robe, and chest plate as Hollsek. Kohdat dressed similar to Rey except she bore her own chest plate and gauntlets with the same Star and Wings symbol etched into them.

Kohdat held an animal skin pouch to the sky, muttering in Yinchorri. Something about stars, gods, battles, and glorious halls of heavens beyond. Hollsek joined Rak as they started lighting the fire, chanting in low voices. Kohdat bid her to approach.

 _"Ad, k'alor_ " _Come here, daughter._ When Rey approached Kohdat put down the bag next to a bowl of some kind of paste. She motioned Rey to take off the cloak, which she did with a slight unwillingness. The night was cold around them, even as the first sparks of the fire were kindled to life.

 _“Sheber,”_ _sit_ , Kohdat said. Her voice sounded distant. She went back into muttered prayers. Rey sat cross legged across from her _buir_ , watching her work as she slowly mixed the ashes from the bag into the mortar that was filled with a sweet smelling herbal paste. Behind her the fire sprang to life, the roar of the heat comforting. She could practically hear Vadeem warming up to start telling a story.

‘ _It's a perfect night for it. Cool air and a warm fire_ ,’ Vadeem might say. And a good night for drinking too, Rey thought seeing the bottles of homemade chak-root liquor nearby. Vadeem, though usually very serious and calm, was hilarious while drunk. He often would ask someone to wrestle or spar with him, to which no one could refuse. He always lost when drunk. Rey wondered if Rak and Hollsek would continue that tradition tonight. If not, _Ka’ra,_ she would do it. It had been too long since she got to spar with any of her family.

Kohdat finished mixing the paste and moved to sit cross-legged in front of Rey, their knees touching. She smiled as much as her reptilian mouth allowed.

 _“Haatyc or’trikar.” Visible Grief_ , she said simply. She took the bowl of ash and paste and put it beside them. She dipped her smallest finger in the bowl with one hand and brushed the lingering hairs away from Rey's face with the other. Behind her the Yinchorri men began doing old war chants. Rey recognized them immediately from sparring practice with the family. While four of them sparred, one would stand back and chant. The sound of the chants was intense and invigorating. She had even learned a few of them over time so the others could practice, or so she could take a break.

Kohdat’s scaled finger carefully applied the paste over Rey's face in circular patterns, over her temple, cheeks, and neck. Then swirling down her collarbones and arms. The paste was thick on her skin and her buir commanded her to stay still while it dried. Her own marks from earlier were a stained brown on her scaled skin, the same as Hollsek and Rak. Rey wondered how long the stain lasted, but thought better than to question it.

_Ni partayli. I remember you_

Rak came forward and Kohdat took his place to chant with Hollsek by the fire. He taught her the _Cuyan laar. The Survivor’s song._ Line by line Rey memorized it as the paste dried on her skin dried and cracked, staining deeper into her skin.

_Ni Su’cuyi. I’m still alive_

_Gar Kyr’adc. But you are dead_

_Ni partayli. I remember you_

_Gar darasuum. So you are eternal_

_Buir. Father. Vadeem_.

Afterwards, Rak clapped a hand on her shoulder with pride. He had already started drinking. It brought a smile to her seeing the commander relax a little, even with the current state of affairs. The dried paste itched and Rak laughed at her scrunching her nose as she delicately touched it. He looked back at Kohdat who was engaged in a minor sparring match with Hollsek. They had also started drinking apparently.

“It’s okay. You can start picking it off. The marks will last for a good few days at least.” Rey smiled back in relief. Finally she could stand and move and joined the others to do the funeral chants and dances that went with them. Rak then somewhat drunkenly grabbed Rey and Kohdat to present them with a traditional gift warriors made for the women of their clan in the event of their death. Rak handed Rey a small pendant on a long metal chain. The Pendant was of the clan’s Star and Wings symbol. She put it on immediately as Kohdat received hers. The metal was cool on her skin. She clutched the pendant as the dancing started up again.

It was so nice, being a part of something. But this wasn’t home. Rey felt that deep niggling feeling within her. She tried so hard to push it back but she felt herself drawn to look back at the darkened path towards the old factory. It could never be home without him _._

_Gar darasuum. So you are eternal_

The bonfire was kept burning high and bright through the night. The family sang Vadeem’s favorite ballads and drank his home-made liquor. Kohdat and Rak engaged in a mock battle in his honor.

His ballads would be sung and his lessons passed on.

They sang until the fire was burning coals and the last rite would be performed, walking the embers. The coals were raked back. Kohdat told her that walking over them would burn away the scorching pain of grief. The hot coals scared Rey with their flickering red and orange embers amongst the blackness. But as her feet met them, it felt like no more than walking barefoot on the sands of Jakku.

She did not cry. Rey sang, chanted, danced, and walked on a dying fire that did not burn her.

 _Buir. Father. Vadeem_.

 _Nu kyr’adyc shi taab’ echaaj’la_ . _Not gone, merely away._

The others drank the rest of the chak-root liquor under the fading moonlight and went inside. Rey stayed. She needed to feel the fresh air just a moment longer. She would convince Hollsek to let her go back to the cell. She would go talk to him after this brief respite, alone.

She felt a pulse. So heavy, like diving into deep water and only being able to hear the rush of water in her ears.

She saw Kylo on the bed in the cell, on his side. Rey felt the coolness of the clearing around her still and once more her hands moved to grasp the cuffs around her wrists. This should have been impossible. But it only further proved her suspicions. She walked towards the vision before her, feeling like she was wading into watery depths.

Ben had managed to untie the blanket from his waist, as he was curled up underneath it entirely, besides his head. He opened his eyes wide in momentary confusion, staring at her.

Then his mouth gaped open realizing what this was. His hands shifting to mirror hers touching the cuffs around his wrists. But just as the first time the force-bond opened, his gaze turned inquisitive. He only looked at her, the marks along her face and arms, then following down the lines of the dress.

“I’ll be back down as soon as I can,” she promised in a whisper. Like a broken spell, Rey speaking caused his expression to turn sour. Ben dug himself deeper under the blanket. He kept looking at her feet now, refusing to meet her eyes. She started to move towards him.

“You left,” he coughed out, sounding like a petulant child.

Rey felt anger rise in her, the scent of ash and herbs on her body overwhelming. She took a steadying breath. She had no reason to cater to Ben’s accusation, but she would have him understand.

“I had to perform grieving rites for the father you killed,” she spat out, trying to let anger hold her afloat. Rey could hear the cracks in her voice. Tears returned the moment she said father, but she refused to give in to the waves of emotion crashing hard against her.

Ben’s mouth snapped shut, eyes still on the ground between them, clutching the blanket around him tighter.

“He did not disappoint me,” she added under muttered breath. She moved forward till she stood next to the bed. She bent down and Ben slowly looked up to meet her gaze. His eyes spoke of unsaid regrets and pain. Any anger left keeping Rey steady left her and a light sob dragged itself out of her body. She forced herself to stand once more.

“I’ll be down soon,” Rey repeated. Ben’s hands slowly loosened their grip from the blanket. One of them uncertainly reached out towards her. His mouth started moving forming unsaid words at first. She thought she heard the word “please.”

She gave in this time and reached out to extend her hand towards his, unsure if they could even touch now.

Their fingers entwined over the cold embers of the fire. Even after the hours in the cell before where she had known his touch, this felt otherworldly-- this felt right. Rey’s breath steadied and her tears dried.

”Would it be useless to apologize?” Ben asked slowly and deliberately, voice suddenly weary and ragged.

“Never,” Rey said managing a moment of conviction.

“I’m sorry.”

Rey looked down at their hands. There was no one to interrupt them this time.

The connection faded before Rey could say any more.

Rey went to find Hollsek before he went to his quarters for the night. She wanted -- needed -- to go back down to Ben tonight, if only for a moment. She had her excuse ready, and had found a larger blanket and a pair of pants that might fit him from storage. Still wearing the red-tinted dress Rey found Hollsek in the video room.

He had already changed back into his normal clothes and was sitting in the lone chair of the room, staring at one feed of video of the cell. He replayed a section over again. Rey could glimpse the footage of Ben, reaching an arm out, fingers entwining with air. And a blurry mirage around his hand. Oh no.

Before she could say or do anything Hollsek rounded on her.

“Do you have a _riduurok_ with that _demagolka_ ?” _Do you have a love bond with that monster?_ he said, voice clear and seething. Rey flinched at the harsh grating tone as much as his words.

“I don’t--” she started but was cut off.

“I saw you in the clearing! The responses are exactly timed! You touching him with whatever force magic---which shouldn’t work!” a large yinchorri fist crashed into the wall next to him. The sound of the thudding metal vibrated across the room, which caused Rey to stand stock still. It was so easy to forget the Yinchorri penchant for violence, even amongst those who grew away from their own kind.

She had no excuses to give. Hollsek hissed a string of curses, pounding his other clawed hand against the wall.

“You know what he has done. So-- so much more than Vadeem,” he angrily continued in clipped tones.

“I know,” Rey finally said, unsure of what else she could offer up. She sighed deeply. She could tell the truth, though it could easily ruin everything she had built here. She would have to trust her _ori’vad._

“I’ll explain everything.”

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The war chants mentioned in chapter are what I hear as Maori 'Hakas', especially some of the funeral ones. So if you get a chance, go back and read the ceremony scene with a playlist of those going. ^.^
> 
> And though it is our LAST chapter working together, it has been an HONOR and PLEASURE working with my beta Witchoil who has pushed me so far already, as a writer and in this story. I can never find a truly proper way to thank you enough!
> 
> Thank you to Quietriot for the mood board. Thoughts about mood boards in chapters: Yay or Nay?
> 
> [Check out Related Artwork HERE](https://monsterandthemaiden-reylo.tumblr.com/search/Nbt%20art)


	4. Before the Dawn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The truth of Rey and Ben's relationship, their bond, and the nature of Rey's relationship to Myrkyr are revealed. Each member of her new family finds their own understanding of these revelations. What will they do with this newfound knowledge?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to the gracious firelord65 for being my beta on this chapter. ^.^ You are always an inspiration. 
> 
> I am considering making mood boards at the beginning of each chapter. Curious what you guys think about them. Yay or Nay?

\--Many months before--

 

At some point, it had come down to it--Vadeem wanting the truth of things. He found Rey as she sat back watching Kohdat and Rak spar from across the courtyard. They were just far back enough in shadow to avoid the bristling heat of the sun.

“Why are you here and not fighting with those doomed people?” Vadeem had asked her. Rey knew it was coming and had tried to think of what to say, over the last few days. “And don’t just tell me it’s complicated again--If we are taking you in, we need to know. I need to know.” Vadeem looked at her as if he was force sensitive and had plucked the answer from her head and was merely testing her now.

There was a balance here though, between truth and omission.

“I have a _shura...shurup_ ,” she started, her voice cracking as she desperately tried to recall the right word. Vadeem’s confused expression was enough to know she had messed up.

He sat back thinking for a moment, “A _Shupur_? Injury, yes?”

“Yes, _Shupur_ ,” Rey amended quickly, “If I kept fighting, someone I care about would die. I know it.”

“You saw it,” Vadeem responded knowingly. It was easy to forget about Vadeem’s knowledge of the force through years of collection of intelligence and ‘working with’ force sensitives. It was how he and his clan had gotten into this kind of work to begin with.

“If I lost him. I’m not sure I would be able to live,” she blurted out.

“You fear death?” His voice was calm and steady as ever.

“I fear losing him,as much as I hate to admit it. I fear losing every moral I’ve dedicated myself to. I fear losing hope-- I just can’t fight with those possibilities.” Somehow this gave cause for Vadeem to look proud.

“That is well enough, _adiik_ ,” _child_. He looked out at his mate, his hands clenching over his knees.

“I don’t know what I’d do without her,” he says gravely. Rey cringed, not knowing what she would do with _him_.

“What’s his name?” Vadeem asks, his tone softer than she expected. She was hoping this wouldn’t come up. She had practiced this conversation in her head countless times

The tears came quick, uncontrollably. She couldn't explain it. She hadn’t cried since--that night back on Ahch-to. Rey bent forward to make a nest of her arms  on her legs and buried her face there. She felt Vadeem’s hand on her back, rubbing in small circles. Somehow the others hadn’t noticed them yet. Rey wanted nothing more then to crawl into a hole then face the strong warriors with tears.

“That is quite a _shupur_ then,” Vadeem said. ”Let’s go inside.” Rey quickly looked up nodding and scurried back towards her workshop. He followed quickly behind and closed the door between them and the outside.

She didn’t have to hide here in the little space she’d carved out as her own. The rawness of the emotions welling up inside her spilled out, salty tears burning her cheeks and hiccups of sounds mixed with pauses to recover her breath. It was a waste of precious water, she knew. It would only dehydrate her and what good would that be?

She sat down on on the old conveyor belt- turned couch next to the door, legs trembling.

Vadeem sat next to her and pulled her close, moving his snout down so their foreheads could touch. His scaled hands enveloped her face and she found herself putting her hands over his, her eyes closing to take in the moment. She had only ever seen Rak do this with Hollsek before. It felt like the first time she had anyone show any level of closeness since Han died. Her body shook harder at the thought.  

She missed Han. She missed his killer more.  Stars, what was wrong with her?

“It’s okay, _Verd’ika_ ,” Vadeem crooned, rubbing small circles over her cheek with his thumb. The touch tingled against her skin and lingered even after Vadeem pulled back.

“I--don’t know-- that one,” Rey said through hiccups.

“It means little soldier. It is something I would say to my child.”

“But I’m not--” She started, breath catching in her throat. Her hands clutched tighter around Vadeem’s long fingers.

That was the first time Myrkyr felt like home.

 

\--Present--

 

Hollsek followed Rey back to her room so she could change. Even as angry as he was, he would allow that much. Rey changed back into her coveralls in her refresher and started to put her hair back up into a bun.

In her reflection she couldn’t help but notice the dark rings under her eyes from the night without sleep, and how they contrasted with the bright brown sets of semi-circles whirling around her face: over the edges of her chin, covering her cheeks and forehead. She found herself tracing the lines, being able to taste the scent of the sweet herbs over her. The deepness of the stain felt like it would never wear away.

Though they would fade, their memory would not. _Ni partayli_ , _I remember you_ \-- Han, Vadeem.  She took a deep breath and went back out into her room to find Hollsek pacing. She went to the safe under her bed and started opening it. She carefully pulled out Kylo’s and ‘her’ lightsaber. They felt alive in her hands, even now. She heard her _Ori’vad(brother)_ stop pacing.  She placed Kylo’s lightsaber on the bed first. The other, silver blade handle felt so heavy. Something she had worked so hard to keep secret, keep safe. A secret she had clasped close to since she left Ach’to

Just as she wanted to keep everyone safe by hiding here: Finn, Chewbacca, Leia. She was supposed to have kept Ben safe too.

Rey selfishly held onto her last kept secret, the lightsaber clasped tight against her chest, just as she selfishly let herself care for her monster. Hollsek moved closer, coming to stand behind her, as she turned to speak.

“I once told you how I left Jakku with the resistance, and was then found by the First Order on a forest planet,” Rey said. Then, a pause and a breath. “What I didn’t tell you is something I found there. Or perhaps it found me.” Slowly Rey turned fully, tugging the silver handle away from her chest. She held it out to her _Ori’vad._

“J _etti’kad_ ” _lightsaber_ , he said, taking it from her willing hands.

“I didn’t take it though. It followed me -- But I never wanted this.”

“But you still have it,” Hollsek said staring at the weapon in his hands.

“You are the first to know its existence in a long time.”

“Even Vadeem didn’t know?” His voice was layered with betrayal. Guilt overcame her.

“Especially Vadeem.” The large scaled hand made the weapon look small. Hollsek looked behind Rey, to the dark handled blade on the bed.

“He had never seen a _Jetti’ kad_ outside of a holovid before. Even when he saw that corrupted thing, he looked in awe. And he was killed by one,” Hollsek said. He handed the silver lightsaber back to Rey. “The scholar in him was honored at least.” She took back the object with a reverence befitting its status. She nodded in silent agreement.

“But why are you showing me these?” Hollsek continued.

“Because that isn’t all.” She placed the silver lightsaber on the bed next to its black counterpart,

“ _He_ also found me that day. Our minds first met then, as enemies.”

_The girl I’ve heard so much about._

_Don’t be afraid, I feel it too._

Rey let herself touch the dark saber again.

“I escaped from him and the First Order. I found someone I thought could help me. They couldn’t. Instead I found him again, or perhaps he found me. Our minds has twisted together. I could see him and he could see me -- nothing else.”

“But that should be gone,” Hollsek said eyeing the cuffs. Rey looked down at them at well, thoughtful.

“There is something that flows between us, with or without the force it seems,” she paused, trying to explain. “It’s like a channel that was once flooded with water but now is merely a trickle. I never noticed those small drops of water making their way through. It should have been dried out. I was wrong.”  Her hands pulled away from the lightsabers and she turned to face her brother. He leaned against the wall, arms crossed.

“So it is-- a bond still? Can it be blocked off?” he muttered to himself.

“I thought it had been--It should be,” Rey said in disbelief. Hollsek moved off the wall and walked out of the room into the darkened workshop. Rey scrambled to follow, flipping on the lights as she entered the room after him. She watched him approach her work bench and she carefully followed.

“How many times has this happened since you came here?” he questioned, picking up the transport collar and slowly turning it.

“Twice. I think. Once, on your way here and you saw the other. I think it’s because of the distance.” Hollsek continued his inspection of the device in his hand. Rey didn’t dare to stop him.

“Then once he’s gone, this will stop?”

“I don’t know.” Rey sighed and sat down on the conveyor belt, now covered in a long cushion. Her legs felt shaky. She hadn’t thought about that.

“You don’t want that,” Hollsek started putting down the collar and joining her on the belt.

“I don’t know,” was all Rey could say, curling her legs to her chest and burying her face there. The thought of losing Ben again felt like losing a part of herself, like a limb would be torn from her.

“What if he’s doing something to you?”

“He’s not!” Rey said more forcefully then she meant, clutching her hands tighter around her legs, “He wouldn’t,” she insisted, her voice a bit shakier. She felt a hand on her back, rubbing small circles there. There was no way Ben was trying to manipulate her.

“There is a way to find out.” Hollsek’s voice was calm once more, his touch comforting. Rey raised her head from her legs.

“Tell him the truth. About all of this: what is going to happen to him, why you are here. See what happens.” His words pierced like knives through her. Of course, there would be no way to smuggle Ben away. They would all be killed if the Black Sun found out they had let the mighty Kylo Ren escape. Her head dropped to her knees once more.

Vadeem would have known what to do. She bit her lip, holding back hitched breathes. She nodded silently in agreement. She would try to trust her brother now.

“You should get some food and drink as well. It was a rough flight and even monsters need to eat,” Hollsek said, pulling Rey against him with one hand, his tone sounding much lighter. Rey choked out a laugh. She wrapped her arms around her brother’s waist, uncurling her legs.

“I should do that then. But first, I know I need some caf if I’m doing this. And so do you. Last thing I need is to hear your obnoxious snoring over the comm and be trapped in there,” Rey said. She refused to let the weight of her duty crush her anymore. She felt a claw poke at her side and she pulled back, rubbing the sore spot.

“Don’t give me any ideas, _Mir’sheb_ ,” _smartass_. Rey poked his side in return and got up, heading toward the kitchen. They made a quick meal and each drank two cups of caf. It had already been a long evening and they were extending it further. Rey prepared a tray to bring down and Hollsek helped carry it down to the bunker. She grabbed the pair of pants she had found and tucked them under her arm.

They stopped at the guard room, and Hollsek, put down the tray and placed his arms on Rey’s shoulders.

“I have one question though. Is _he_ your _Shupur_?” _Injury._ Rey looked down.

“Yes,” she whispered. Hollsek took a deep breath.

“Best to get it over and done with then, _elek?_ ” _yes?_ His tone was authoritative.

“ _Elek, jatne vod_ ,” _yes,sir._ He dropped his hands from her shoulders and handed her to tray. She gave him a weak smile and started heading down the hall into the twisting halls of the bunker.

“ _K’oyacyi,_ ” _Hang in there_ , she heard as she opened the first of many locked doors.

 

\---

 

Rey opened the cell door to find Ben sitting cross-legged on the ground in front of the bed, the blanket wrapped around his waist. His head turned toward her as soon as she walked in. His face flushed red almost immediately.  
  
“You came back,” he said with a softness she never had heard from him. He started to moved to stand but his legs wouldn’t cooperate. Rey put down the tray she was carrying and quickly went to help him back onto the bed. Why was he on the floor?  
  
“Why are you--?” she started, but he swiveled his head toward the refresher and his face seemed to turn an even deeper shade of red.  
  
“Oh...You okay?” she asked instead. Ben eyed the now closed crate only feet from him, glaring at it.  
  
“Not the best question,” Rey silently cursed herself. Of course it was a dumb question.  
  
“I mean, do you still need help?” She asked looking towards the refresher, her face feeling hot. Ben scoffed at the suggestion, looking more himself.  
  
“I’ll be fine. This is nothing,” he spat out. Rey’s mind went to the scars on his back. She bit her tongue on asking more.  
  
“Of course, I-- um, brought pants and food,” she said holding out the grey bundle she had been carrying under her arm. She moved close enough for him to take them. Ben slowly took the pants, an unsaid question of where they came from in his expression.  
  
“Might be a bit big, fair warning. Yinchorri sized after all,” she continued. He nodded, unraveling the item in his hands.  
  
“Could you turn around?” he asked, the discomfort in his voice undeniable.  Rey’s face flushed even more and she did as asked, turning to face the door.

She heard a bit of shuffling behind her as Ben spoke again, “That’s what _they_ are then. The--father you mentioned was Yinchorri? Are the others on that ship family as well? I should know if I’m gonna avoid killing any more of then.” Rey flinched at the sarcastic tone, her hands tightening into fists. Of course he hadn’t know any of them had a connection to her. The sweetness of the herbs sunk into her skin made her skin crawl at the idea of any of the others possibly getting hurt.

“Yes. The others here are family. They took me in.”

“And yet, they are still your greatest weakness,” Ben said, his voice sounding strained from effort. Rey had a mind to shove him back onto the ground and leave again, if only for a moment.

“But they make you happy,” he continued.

“For once in my life, I have a place I belong” Rey’s hand went to the pendant tucked into her coveralls.

“Doing what, bounty hunting?” he asked, his tone searching for more explanation.

“Research... Actually,” Rey said getting up, keeping her back to Ben as she  retrieved the tray.

“Is it safe to look?” She asked, looking towards the door and only glancing up to where she knew the hidden camera to be.

“Yeah,” he responded quickly, and Rey turned and placed the tray on the bed. The grey pants hung off of Ben’s hips loosely, the top edge folded over leaving him exposed down to the curve of his hips. His arms crossed over his stomach. He gingerly placed the blanket back on the bed. Rey moved back and sat on the crate to give  him a moment with his food. Ben shivered, a heavy breath escaping him. He turned towards her.

“Does that -- _thing_ have to stay here?” He said, a hand uncurling from his waist to motion towards the crate.

“I’d have to restrain or sedate you before I moved that,” Rey said slowly, forcing herself to be blunt. Ben nodded slowly sitting back down on the bed. His hands fully pulled away from his body as he picked up the bowl of soup, frowning deeply even as he took a small sip from it.

“So this is a prison, then.”

“Of sorts,” Rey said, careful to reveal only what was allowed. The last thing she needed was Ben trying to escape on his own.

She would figure out a way to get him out of this somehow. Her fingers dug into the metal of the crate beneath her.

\---

Rak sat next to a pile of Vadeem’s data pads in his cabin on Vadeem-- _his_ ship, the ‘ _Starfield Strill_.’ There was so much the old man had yet to discuss with him, so much knowledge yet to be passed on.

There was little to be done now. Rak always knew he would have no one left to run to anymore, at some point. He was the commander after all.  Now there was just so much work to be done with one of the most powerful force users in the galaxy under their ‘care’.

A heavy knock at the door caused him to turn.

“Hol, you don’t need to knock. How many times--” he said before stopping himself.  His nephew would never learn. No point going on about it. The boy certainly looked upset enough already with how he stood awkwardly in the doorway.

“There’s something I have to show you,” Hollsek said. His tone was serious despite his discomfort. Rak stood and motioned for him to lead. His work would have to wait. They walked towards the bunker, and Hollsek punctured the tense silence between them once more. He asked, “Any word from Sefor yet?”

“It’s been a day. He’ll let us know as soon as he can. I’m expecting nothing for weeks to be honest. This whole thing is a matter of utmost secrecy.”

“I’m worried about Rey,” Hollsek said quickly. “I wish he would hurry up.”

“Why are you worried about Rey--besides the obvious?” Rak replied.

“She told me who her Shupur is.”

Rak stopped. “She never told anyone, not even Vadeem,” he said quietly.

Hollsek nodded at him knowingly.  

“To be honest, I’m glad she didn’t.” Hollsek gruffly turned around and kept walking, holding himself together.

 

\---

 

Ben finished eating and moved the tray to one of the shelves built into the wall, next to the bed. He moved over to leave enough room for her to sit, chewing his lip and refusing to meet her eye.

She accepted the invitation and sat beside him. Rey felt herself wanting to close the ever shortening gap between them but tried to resist.

“Why are you here?” Ben asked

“I can’t fight: not for you, not for them,” she responded without hesitation. But that wasn’t the whole truth. “I saw something. When we touched hands,” she forced out.

Rey gave in, her hand snaking around his, needing something to grasp to prove to herself that he was here and alive beside her.  Ben held back, his other hand moving over the cuff as if he could rip it off. She could understand how he wanted to see what she had. His eyes met hers.

“I saw something too,” he admitted. Ben’s eyes held not terror, merely sorrow -- and hope. His expression was almost gentle. Ben’s fingers ran over hers in concern. “What did you see?”

Rey shook her head, feeling herself start to pull away into the horror of her vision: the red room, the blood, the betrayal -- the molted thing on the throne.  

“Why did you have to come here, to find me?” she started, her mouth cracking open to force the words out. Ben held fast onto her as Rey felt like she would lose control any moment, unable to cut the invisible strings of fate that bound her. “I don’t wanna kill you,” she sputtered out, refusing to meet his gaze.

“That thing on the throne.” She looked at their entwined hands. “So- so much blood.”

She felt him pull her close in a durasteel grip. Her body pulled so quickly towards his that their knees knocked together. Her head met his chest and she curled in against it. She felt him shiver besides her.

“My master...Snoke sent me -- to find you,” he paused, sighing with regret as he continued.

“Rey, look at me.” Her name spilling from him was enough to have her glance up. His hands moved to cradle her face, like she was a grenade about to be set off.

He shook, his hands easily enveloping her features. Her hands moved to press over his. She wanted to hold him there.

Her heart split, wanting to run and yet never wanting him to let her go. She met his gaze as he silently demanded more.

“A molting man -- I could feel him inside my head,” Rey said.Her hands clawed onto his as Rey looked away. It was all too much. Rey felt the whisper of blood dragging off her skin. “Only in dreams, until you came,” Rey continued.

Ben seemed to understand now. His grip turned bruising for a second before letting her go, his breath an angry shudder. She dropped her hands from his as he moved to grip the edge of the bed. His fingers turned white with pressure.

“He said you would be mine -- if I could turn you,” he whispered. Ben’s voice was that of disbelief. Rey hardly felt surprised, though she didn’t know why.  Something clicked in her mind. The red room, his master-- her master in the vision both one and the same. And this master wanting her to turn on Ben.

The cuffs were a pleasant weight on her wrists. There would be no turning if she had forsaken the force and its wiles. Maybe Ben knew how to cut himself off from the force, as Luke did. Maybe he could teach her after all. She thought back to his offer ages ago.

She heard the sound of a fist hitting metal and turned to see Ben punching the wall. She couldn’t move, watching anger roll off him as his knuckles connected over and over again. Only once the patch of hit durasteel was spotted with bit of blood and his hands were covered in raw angry skin did he stop.

It felt like Takodana all over again, being stalked by a prowling creature. If he turned his attention on her she could be mauled. The memory of the heat from the red saber next to her face was as powerful as the lingering sweet herbs over her skin. He didn’t turn back towards her.

“Why am I here?” he demanded as he seethed. He gripped the cuffs around his wrists once more, trying to pull them off with more determination. “Why are you _here_?” he hissed still.

Rey’s hand jerked toward the pouch at her waist where the knife of her _buir_ ( _mother_ ) lay in wait.  But she refused to do more than that. She remembered the vision of Luke and a ready blade. She forced her hand to drop. Ben turned back towards her. Rey then remembered the pouch also held the control that could sedate him if needed.

Ben’s face went from violent to worried in a flash, seeing her.

“Why are we here?” he begged, his voice forcefully softened. He covered his bloodied knuckles with his other hand, looking ashamed as he pulled back from her. Rey took in a gulp of air at the sudden change she saw once more.

“Please -- don’t be afraid,” he whimpered out. “I’m so tired of everyone being afraid.”

' _So tired of being called a monster -- so tired of being one_ ,’ his expression told her.  His hand twitched towards her, but he seemed to think better of it and it stayed beside him.

 ' _So tired of being alone,’_ his body told her as he curled up against the wall, pulling his knees to his chest.

Rey thought for a moment to tell him a lie, that she wasn’t afraid. He had never lied to her, through every other terrible thing Kylo Ren had done. The truth between them had been one constant. She couldn’t lie to him now. She watched as Ben’s eyes closed, arms wrapping around himself.  She still feared the creature that would live inside him always. But she felt deeply for the man he was.

She reached out, her hand stroking down his now exposed back. The scars stood out against already pale skin, angry things overlapping and crossing every which way. Pale sand dunes which her fingers walked over even as he cringed under her touch. Rey did not stop. She silently tugged his arm to make him turn back towards her. Her hands enveloped his face as best as they could, smiling at how small they looked.

“Oh, Ben,” she whispered, her fingers rubbing circles over his cheeks. One finger traced the scar bisecting his face: her scar.  He had never been angry about that. He should have been.

Scars from a girl who had never held a lightsaber.

 

\---

Rak followed Hollsek down to the bunker, trying to process what he had just heard.Kylo Ren, the sword of the first order was Rey’s _Shupur(injury)_. He remembered watching her gaze wistfully out into the forest sometimes, when it was just them sitting alone. Rey never talked to him much. She always went to one of her _buir_ ( _parents_ ) first. With Rey and him it was always sparring or a companionable silence.

She always seemed to understand that. They both enjoyed the quiet, though likely for their own reasons. Never could he have imagined she was weighed down so heavily.

“Did she tell you any more?” Rak asked as they approached the outside gate of the bunker.

“I’d rather show you first,” came the quick reply. Hollsek had always been the child of the Tra’strill clan, ever the hardened orphan in his mind’s eye, until they took in Rey. He then became much like an older brother, as if she had been the answer to an unspoken prayer.

Rak knew the protectiveness his nephew felt for the small human. She was so delicate and small compared to them. And if she truly had a bond with such a dangerous person, possibly a love bond, there would be little Hollsek could do to protect her.

They passed through the thick doors into the bunker itself and then into the video room. Rak hated himself for being practical, but part of him thought all of this as a boon. A monster could be held at bay by someone it cares about. A beast could be tamed by the right trainer. If he could convince their newly adopted family that it was in her best interests to keep Kylo Ren here, and prepare him for whatever life would lie ahead, everything would go so much more smoothly.

He could hold little hatred for Vadeem’s passing to Kylo. He should have never let Vadeem go on that mission. Many terrible things Kylo Ren had done, but he was merely defending himself when Vadeem died. He fought as viciously as the strong six-legged Strill his clan had named themselves after. All in all the man was a worthy opponent.

He lived up well to his reputation even with the odds against him and for that Rak could not deny him that small grain of respect. And with Vadeem gone, he was the only one besides Rey who might want to keep Kylo Ren alive against Kohdat’s wishes.

Hollsek pulled out a chair for Rak to sit as he set up at the recording controls. Video was pulled up of Rey helping Kylo out of the crate, and onto the floor. Her smaller frame held him well as she pulled him towards the bed. He wondered why Hollsek would show him this--until he watched as kylo’s arms wrapped around her, pulling her close to him and how she moved to hold him as well.

Rak figured it might have just been her kindness with _mir’cit (prisoner)_ , seeing as they were usually desperate for any form of comfort after any length of time in the crate. What he hadn’t expected was such a human reaction from the famed warrior of the First Order. Hollsek looked back at him expectantly as Rak saw how even once Kylo Ren was lying on the bed, he held tight to his _Ver’ika_ ’s arm.

The footage fast forwarded through Rey taking care of the wounds, talking to the _mir’cit_ , working his legs straight, and changing from the transport collar to the cuffs as she had done with the others. He saw more so how Kylo’s actions were of a man in love compared to that of a prisoner. There was gentleness in the way in which he touched her.

Again the footage moved forward, even faster blurring the image of the man lying in the bed until Hollsek paused and time slowed. Kylo’s hands unearthed themselves from the blanket he had curled himself in to touch the cuffs around his wrists, his face looking shocked as he looked up and down as if something was in front of him and he seemed to speak to the air. Rak watched as his hand reached out moved to grasp something and for a split second the commander swore he saw something shimmering in the space of his hand.

“I saw Rey talking to him from the field. Everything lined up: They have a _riduurok (love bond)_. They are still using the force. She said their minds are connected, even without the force. There is something strange here,” Hollsek explained hardly containing his disgust for what he was watching on the screen. Rak stood and put his hand on Hollsek’s shoulder.

“There is good that can come from this. What are they doing now?” Rak asked, pushing a button on the control panel. On the black and white screens before them, Rey could be seen passed on the small platform bed. Kylo Ren lied next to her, as far back as he could go in the small sleeping area. It seemed Rey had claimed one of his arms , which was pulled over her waist and clasped between two hands. The man’s expression was puzzled but his body relaxed. The hand of his captured arm was entwined with Rey’s.  Rak took a deep breath, studying them.

“Very strange. I’ll go get her,” Hollsek said as he started moving to leave the room.

“Let her sleep. I will watch them until she wakes. You should get some sleep as well.” Rak did not turn to see his nephew as he spoke but he heard the huff as the younger Yinchorri stormed off, out of the bunker. He was always petulant when he got into one of his moods. Rak needed time to think anyway and here he wouldn’t be interrupted.

 

\---

 

Daylight crept into the workshop where Hollsek had stomped off to. He waited  impatiently. Hollsek slammed a fist into the wall, finding a bit of relief in hearing the durasteel vibrate. Kohdat’s silhouette appeared in the doorway,

“ _Me’vaar ti gar, ner’adiik_?” _How are you, my child?_

" _Vi linibar at jorhaa’ir,” We need to talk._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for your patience, comments, and kudos.
> 
> [Check out Related Artwork HERE](https://monsterandthemaiden-reylo.tumblr.com/search/Nbt%20art)


	5. Blood Soaked Dawn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vengrat’tua 
> 
> There will be vengeance. 
> 
> Pirunir sur’haaise.
> 
> Make him pay for what he did .
> 
> Kohdat keeps her word. Hollsek tries to protect Rey. Rak has a plan that may save Ben.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to CeriseDress for beta'ing this chapter for me. It's a longer one. 
> 
> And thank you to Melusine11 for the amazing moodboard. 
> 
> !Warning!  
> There may be some uhhh..."light torture"...so if you aren't cool with that, I recommend skipping this chapter.

 

-Many months before-

Rey laid curled in her nest of blankets and pillows on the floor, arms wrapped around her legs. She heard Vadeem knock on the door and knew there would be no point in denying him entry.

“I’m awake,” she muttered looking at the plants that needed watering on the sill across the room. The large Yinchorri man sat down on her vacated bed, stretching out. He smelled like he just came back from a mission. She crinkled her nose but refused to say anything. He didn’t like these things any more than her, even though they benefited his and her research. So she would say nothing of what Vadeem wished to leave behind, even just for this moment.

“Is it your _Shupur (injury)_ again?” he asked after a while.

Rey shook her head, looking at the brownish-green scales on his clawed hands. Claws she knew to be their own weapons, and scales a shield.

“I dreamt I stood tall -- was covered in pale scales and spikes, with teeth could rend flesh.”

“ _Verd’ika_ ,” _Little one._ came his gentle chastising tone, “I too have dreamed: that the Force flowed through me, that I had skin as soft as a Heston’s pelt, that others saw a scholar and not a threat when they looked at me.”

Rey pulled a pillow from her pile and hugged it close to her chest. He was right of course.

“I know,” she admitted with a sigh. It didn’t change how she wished she could be anyone but herself.  No matter what she learned from her new family, she would always just be a scavenger, picking through parts of the past which never belonged to her. Instead, she merely scrapped together bits of identity and history to call her own.

She suddenly felt a stab of something in her side and automatically thwacked the offending clawed finger away.

“You’re still sulking,” Vadeem admonished. Rey fully turned to look at him, pulling away the pillow from her chest and hitting his knees with it.

“I am not.”  

Despite Rey's insistence, Vadeem grabbed the pillow from her grasp and went to poke her again, and she had to let go of it to protect her side from another attack. He put the pillow down and mischievously leaned forward, betraying his portly figure, and went after her sides with both hands, forcing Rey to uncurl and try to stop him. She blocked his advance, just as he had taught her to do, but it didn’t take long till he breached her defense and poked her hard on her shoulder.

Rey couldn’t help but let out a whine of surprise, “Ow!” She retaliated by poking Vadeem’s rotund belly. Two could play at this game.

“Are you done sulking?” Vadeem asked, jabbing her arm this time.

“I wasn’t sulking!” she responded, standing to poke Vadeem’s side, able to move just out the range of his long muscular arms. She smiled in her success as he made a noise of disbelief and rubbed his side. He finally stopped his onslaught, looking satisfied.

“At least you’re done now.”

* * *

 

Rey felt herself lying down once more, the warmth of the dream fading. The coldness of the cell around her crept up her exposed arms which weren't under a blanket even with the long sleeves of her coveralls. She felt the soreness of Vadeem’s claws poking at her arm and sides. A ghost of a smile lingered as she whispered the prayer of remembrance.

“ _Ni Su’cuyi. Gar Kyr’adc. Ni partayli. Gar darasuum Ner’Buir._ ”

_(I’m still alive. But you are dead. I remember you. So you are eternal, my father)_

She opened her eyes looking at the cold grey of the walls and the crate only feet away. Rey twisted her body around to see Ben had pushed himself as far back against the wall as he could, so he scarcely touched her. His arms crossed over his chest, one hand gripping an edge of the blanket that barely covered him. His knuckles were already starting to scab over Rey noticed as she slowly inched closer to him.

Hollsek had already likely told the others. If so, they all knew what Ben was to her now. She had done a piss poor job of hiding it before anyway. She decided to not care about the camera in the corner and lightly tugged Ben’s arms loose and pulled him closer to her.

His eyes remained closed, breaths even. Rey pulled the blanket over them both as much as she could, moving close enough to feel the length of Ben’s muscular body against hers. She nudged a leg between his and wrapped an arm around his waist as her head settled against his chest once more. And even in his sleep, Ben shifted his arm to wrap around her and his whole body leaned into her.

Rey felt her stomach flutter at the rightness of how their bodies met each other. It was overwhelming, amazing, terrifying this feeling of complete contact with another being-- with Ben, Kylo, her _Shupur, injury_ , the man she was bonded with. All of it, all of him felt right in this moment. She never wanted to part from him again, from this feeling she greedily desired.

She had left him and everything else, so afraid of what she might do. So afraid of losing Ben if she got close to him. And now -- would she be able to fight once more to protect him? Could she fight her family, The Black Sun, his master? Would she be fighting for Ben or for her desire to know what it felt like to be in his arms every day?

Or perhaps it was merely the thought of how half of her would be torn away if Ben was gone, like watching a part of her soul sink into the depths of a black hole.

A shudder passed through her and Rey felt herself gripping tighter onto Ben. She felt his hand drift to her head slowly stroking her hair, the metal of the cuff on his wrist lightly grazing her ear.

“Rey?” Ben whispered half-awake.

“Sorry if I woke you. Go back to sleep,” Rey said, running her hand over Ben’s scarred back. He curled his body in, pulling her with it.She felt his cheek rest on her head as he nodded. He stayed there for a moment then unfurled slightly his head resting on her arm once more.

Rey shifted just enough to see Ben’s face, his features relaxed and almost content. Like he was having a pleasant dream. She could only imagine that being a rare occurrence after a lifetime’s worth of nightmares.

Rey knew she could not stay though. If she had passed out here, then whoever was in the guard area had likely done so as well or was awake and waiting. Hollsek would likely be livid if that was the case. And she needed to talk to Rak and Kohdat still.

Rey was not sure she could face the woman she saw like a mother and Vadeem’s wife. Kohdat wanted Kylo Ren dead. She had wanted Rey to do it. How could Rey even begin to explain to her about any of this even if Hollsek or Rak had tried first?  At least she could count on the boys to make sure Kohdat didn’t try anything stupid -- for now.

Rak would be next then. Rey slowly went through the tortuous act of slowly detangling herself from Ben, feeling terrible that she pulled him into her embrace to begin with. Thankfully he somehow was still asleep as Rey re-adjusted the blanket around him once more and went to get her comm.

Rey turned the device on and heard a deep reptilian voice on the line, Rak.

“Good to see you amongst the living, again. I’ll see you in the video room, “ Rak said over the static of the comm. Rey swore she heard amusement in his voice and prayed it was a good sign. Rey knew she had only a moment before the door would be unlocked. 

“I’ll see you there,” Rey replied before turning off the comm. She quickly went back across the room, feeling torn about leaving while Ben slept. She knelt down beside the ‘bed’ he slept on and pressed her lips to his forehead like She had seen Vadeem do with Kohdat once before. Her hand stroked his head, his thick tangled hair catching on her fingers.  

Rey pulled back to see Ben’s eyes open. A hand snaked out from under the blankets and touched her cheek guiding her closer.

Her lips met his.

Rey felt herself stop breathing, her heart racing at the feeling of the softness of his lips, his breath hot against her skin. Ben’s hand released her and he pulled back, eyes glistening with so many unsaid things. His lips quivered as he took in a sharp breath.

“Come back soon,” Ben whispered as the locks on the cell door started clicking open. Rey nodded, her hand retreating from his unkempt locks.

“Soon,” Rey promised before forcing herself to leave, feeling Ben’s gaze intent upon her. She didn’t dare look back, knowing she might not be able to walk through that door if she did.

* * *

 

When Rey reached the video room Rak looked like he was packing up a small bag, one he normally used when traveling overnight.

“You look more well rested than I have ever seen you,” Rak said without even glancing back at her. Rey felt her cheeks redden.

“I didn’t mean to mean to pass out there. I know its -- “ Rey started but Rak put up a hand to stop her.

“That man is not Kylo Ren with you. I watched him try and fail,” Rak started looking back at the screens.

“What is important is what comes of this. Hollsek is almost here. Let us walk,” Rak finished. Rey nodded and followed the commander through the underground towards the factory building above.

Right outside the main wall of the bunker, Rey spotted Hollsek coming towards them. He carried his own small bag, like his uncle had. They met in the middle of the underground cavern.

“I hope one of you got some shut eye for a few hours. I know I’m gonna go claim one of the sleeping rooms since we’re gonna be here a while.”

“By the cell?” Rak asked quickly.

“Yeah, Kohdat said she’d come by and let me in. I’m tired of that small room.” Hollsek casually replied, stretching out his arms as if to make a point.

“Sounds like a plan,” Rak said, his voice calculating. Rey turned to look back at him but his expression was blank. Maybe he was just mulling something over. Instead she turned her attention back to her brother, pulling the remote for Ben’s cuffs out of the pouch on her hip.

“Hol, could you do something since you’ll be down there?” She asked holding out the device to Hollsek.

“What do you need _Verd’ika_ ?” _little one._ He asked as he took the control device.

“If you could grab the crate out of there, I could clean and reset it for you guys,” Rey said keeping her tone calm and complacent.  It wasn’t something she normally did, but she hoped Hollsek would take the bait. He nodded, turning over the thin black box.

He didn’t seem suspicious of her intentions. She couldn’t admit it to Ben before but the crate was near impossible for her to move around without the lift. But any of her family members could easily do it. So she could do that one small favor for him.

“ _Ba’slanar bic at mi,” Leave it to me,_ Hollsek said putting the control device in his bag and continuing to make his way towards the bunker. Rak started walking towards the lift again and Rey waved to her brother one last time before following the commander.

* * *

 

Hollsek sat in the guard room and pulled out the small device Rey had given him once more, turning it over in his clawed hand. What luck Rey should hand him this. He placed it down and pulled out a thick ring of metal from his bag and the device that went with it as well. He supposed Kohdat would hardly need this anymore. But it was good to have as back-up.

He placed down the transport collar as well and commed the _ba’buir (old lady)_.

_“Parer Par Skotah Ca’nara. Ni Vencuyir tsikala nusujii”_

_Wait just a little bit longer. I will be ready soon._

* * *

 

The light felt blinding as Rey and Rak got out of the lift and walked towards the workshop. Rey had to stop and let her body adjust to the waves of heat she could feel now.  Rak stopped and turned back.

_“Tion gar pirusti?” Are you okay?_ Rey could hear concern in the commander’s voice.

_“Naas,” It’s nothing,_ she quickly assured him. Rak continued walking opening the door to the outside.

“Where are we going?” The two stepped outside and Rak started making his way towards one of the many paths that made their way around the small complex.

“Not far, _ner’ad.” My child_ Rey took in a breath hearing the nickname. It was uncommon coming from Rak.

“You wish to speak about _him_ then?” Rey looked around the forest, unable to help enjoying the fresh air, the sun hot on her back.

“Your _Shupur (injury)_ , what do you call him?” Rak asked, keeping his slow pace as he led them down a shaded path. Rey refocused herself looking to the commander. His body was relaxed, thoughtful. She licked her lips, unsure if she would be able to speak.

Rak had always cared for her in his own distant way, sure. But he was in charge of this mission, under the orders of an criminal organization. What point would there be to knowing more about his current prisoner? It wasn’t like he would be able to help. Vadeem had been the only one who truly seemed to care about the fate of those who were brought here.

“Does Sefor want another name for the auction then?” Rey bit out.  The commander stopped and turned. He waited, totally still, his beady black eyes meeting hers. There was caution in how he crossed his arms across his chest but curiosity in his silence. Maybe Vadeem hadn’t been the only one to care.

“Ben. I call him Ben.” Rey gave in and watched Rak’s arms uncross as he turned around to begin walking once more.

* * *

 

Hollsek went over the latest footage. Too bad there wasn’t a way to hear inside the cell. Watching Rey speaking to the _mir’cit (prisoner)_ had turned it back to his violent tendencies, had caused Hollsek to grip the table before him in fear for his _vod (sister)._

But then watching the _beast_ cowering back like a beaten animal, and Rey approaching it again and again, tore at Hollsek.

How could Rey love such a thing? Hollsek hated how she stayed even after freezing in fear, how she pulled it into her embrace knowing the beast killed those she loved.

Disgust curled around his stomach as he watched Rey allow herself to meet the beast’s face with hers, in what _aruetti (others)_ call it? Kissing? His mind went back to holodramas were such an act was only performed between two _riduur (partners)_ , and bile rose in his throat.  

There was no way Rey could love the _demagolka (monster)_. It must be some trick of the mind. Vadeem had spoken of such powers before. He would save her.

Hollsek heard the door open,

_“Tion gar tsikala?” Are you ready?_ Kohdat asked before closing the door behind her.

Hollsek picked up the transport collar and waved it around before placing it back down. Then he went back to his bag and pulled out one more thing that be sure to force the _demagolka’s (monster’s)_ hold to lessen on his _vod (sister)._

_"Ori’tsikala, “ More than prepared_ , he said confidently.

Kohdat sat down next to him, easily crowding the small video room. She grinned at the object in his hand before turning her attention to the screens.

_“Ke’gyce gar tengaanar ni meg gar rujarhaa’ir be.”  Show me what you spoke of._

* * *

 

Rey and Rak made their way along a stream, where they used to all pick chak-root together. Rak sat down at the edge and cupped water into his hands and drank. Rey followed.

“I once told Vadeem I wished I was just like all of you. Everything would have been so much -- easier, “ Rey spoke after the last small bout of silence.

“And let me guess, he told you he wished for your abilities. The rocks are always more pleasant  on the other side of the plateau, _Verd’ika. (little one)_ We all wish for something other than what we are given. You are not to blame for his passing. _Ka’ra,_ it is not even the _mir’cit’s_ \-- Ben’s fault in the end. It was an unfair battle and we still lost in the end,“ Rak said sitting back and looking up at the trees swaying above them.

“I should have never let him come on that mission.” Rak continued.

“He would have never allowed himself to be left behind, _te atin shabuir,” (the stubborn jerk)_ Rey argued breathing out a small forced laugh as Rak looked over at her in surprise.

“ _Joha, Verd’ika (language, little one)._ Did your _buir (mother)_ teach you that?” Rak asked, amusement seeping back into his voice.

“I think ner’ _buir (my mother)_ blames everyone, especially Ben,” Rey said, picking up a stick from the edge of the water. She picked at its bark nervously.

“I agree. I don’t think it’s best she stay around him for too long. Who knows what an _echoylir riduur (grieving spouse)_ will do?” Rak said, his tone thoughtful once more.

* * *

 

Hollsek shut off the footage able to see the stiffness in Kohdat’s body. He felt himself shrink away in his chair feeling her anger as her breathing quickened. He would not regret this decision. Kohdat had the right to know.

He turned his head enough to see Kohdat had closed her eyes, centering herself as her body was forcibly relaxed.

_“Meh demagolka ganar runi be ner’ad, venshuker kaysh bal mav ner’ad,”_

_If the monster holds my daughter’s soul hostage, I will break it and free her._

Kohdat spoke with conviction laced with acid. Her thin upper lip twitched as she continued, picking up the transport collar and turning it over in her clenched fingers.

_“Demagolka kyrayc ner’ riduur. Nukaysh hiibir balyc ner’ad”_

_The monster killed my partner. It will not take my child as well._

Hollsek moved to grip Kohdat’s forearm and she gripped back. Her sharp teeth had bitten through her lip and blood was starting to drip. Hollsek took his other hand and gently made her put down the collar so they could grip forearms as well. He placed his head to hers.

_"Ni ceta gar ruhaa’taylir ibac. Bic ruaarayla”_

_I’m so sorry you saw that. It must have been painful._

Hollsek trembled as he spoke, hating to see Kohdat like this. He hated that he caused it so soon. Maybe he should have waited, at least a few days.

After a while Kohdat felt steady enough for him to pull back. She stood tall, and took a deep breath.

_“Gotal’ur kaysh nuhay. Ven’ tsikaodr.” Make it sleep. I’ll prepare._

Hollsek pressed the button on the small black remote looking at a nearby clock.

“Venjii _Rayshe’a (after five)_ minutes. _Cuyir morut’yc.” Be careful._

Kohdat took the items from the table and put them in the bag Hollsek had prepared for her. She then made her way to the door.

_“Ni ratiin ulyc.” I’m always careful._

* * *

 

It was quiet again. Ben didn’t know what to do with quiet. There had been very little time in his life where he experienced such a thing, between the hushed dark whispers, the Force, and everything around him.

All there was now was the familiar sound of the air recycling itself through vents. It was more fresh than the ships he had lived on for many years, more earthy compared to the stale, dry air he was used to. 

Rey left again. He hated letting her go, and the quiet that haunted him in her absence. Within that space were his own thoughts.

He screwed shut his eyes and focused on the air vents again, his breathing in tandem with them. The slow push of air in and out. 

Prick. The needles pushed into his wrists once more, giving him the only sense of time since was put in this cell. He felt the poison push its way through his veins and fought back the feeling of sickness that came with it.

Even with the lightness of the metal bands encircling his wrists, he could feel that whatever the toxin was, it had not lessened. His fingers automatically curled around the cuffs, peeling nails digging under the durasteel as if he could rip it from the bruised flesh beneath.

Footsteps. Down the hall. Coming closer. Ben’s fingers uncurled and he moved his hands under his head.

Prick.

Again?!

The feeling of nausea only increased and Ben felt like he would be sick, his head tilting over the bed. He knew this sensation. Everything dampening slowly. His arms wouldn’t move.

Somehow Ben pulled his head back before he fell off the platform, before he couldn’t move anymore.

The footsteps grew closer. Heavier. Slower and Broader. Ben felt his breathing quicken against his will to be calm. He had never been good at calm. He could feel all his muscles tensing before they were made useless.

The locks of the cell door slowly started shifting, clacking back and forth, the echo of durasteel hitting durasteel. The sound was jarringly loud.

Ben kept his eyes closed. Perhaps this was just a dream and he could wake up with warm arms wrapped around him once more. He still felt the ghost of Rey’s touch. He clung to it. 

Maybe that was a dream too and soon he would wake to another round of discipline from his Master for one disappointment or another.

His head was starting to spin from the sedation. The lights along the floor felt too bright. The loud ca-chunk of the door opening hurt to hear. The smell of sweet herbs overwhelmed everything though.

Everything was fading but he forced himself to see, through a lidded gaze, the reptilian woman standing over him.

Waiting.

* * *

 

Rak and Rey had lapsed into silence sitting at the edge of the stream.

Rey closed her eyes. She listened to the call of the lantern birds nearby and the rustling of the Zaela trees. She felt the soft moist dirt and grass beneath her and a cool breeze pass over her. This planet, this forest so full of life and cradled her in safety. Here she had found a place, and people to belong to. But what had she left behind --given up to do so?

Ben...Kylo, had come in and out her life so quickly, yet affected her so deeply. The bond they shared was against all reason, as was the connection she wasn’t sure she could break again. She had run from him for so long, and perhaps what she really feared was the burden she might carry by being with him.

Ben carried so much grief and pain, the galaxy on his shoulders. What could she, a nobody, really do? Yet all of that seemed washed away when they just -- were together, like the universe righting itself around them.

Rey felt a poke of a clawed finger against her arm.

“What are you thinking about, _ner’ad (my child)_?”

“You said Ben was not ‘Kylo Ren’ with me. What did you mean?”

“Kylo Ren is the animal. _Your_ Ben is the man. But they are still one being. Maybe you are the only one who has truly known both. But the question is what do you want?” 

“Am I selfish if I want him, and you, and Hol, and my _buir_? It is impossible, yet I want it.”

“There may yet be a way.”

* * *

 

It had been a dream after all. A sedation induced dream only Kylo’s mind could create, where any happiness he could feel would be in the shadow of suffering.

Even with his eyes closed he knew where he was, the restraints on his arms, legs, head and the partially upright position. He wondered whose idea it was to use the interrogation chair again. Hux likely: he didn’t like getting his hands dirty. Or Kylo had always sensed his discomfort in having to stand by as the IT-3 droid did their work. The only things Hux seemed to enjoy from said experiences was the sense of restraint, order, forced stillness.

What had he done this time? Or was this still about the girl? Rey. His master still sensed his weakness for her. His dream was proof enough. She would never embrace him after all he had done. Of course not. He didn't deserve it. He only deserved the imminent pain.  

It was quiet. Kylo wondered if he would be left like this for a few hours, again. That would be Hux’s style. Somehow the man seemed to know that was as terrible as anything the interrogation droid would later do. 

The feeling of sedation was wearing off at least. He could smell something sweet.

Not a dream.

“ _Demagolka_ ,” came the voice of the reptile woman.

“How many have you tortured like this?” The voice moved closer, the words in slow deliberate basic. Kylo kept his breathing steady. He could feel the woman’s breath as she stood in front of him. His feet prickled at the remembered sensation of burning coals.

Clawed fingers pushed against something around his neck, pushing and pushing till he gasped for breath. 

This one didn’t mind getting her hands dirty.

“I asked question,” the low hissing tone insisted.

Kylo opened his eyes to the towering figure before him. It was odd to be around beings taller than himself for once, besides his own Master.

His neck was released and Kylo felt himself coughing as he drank in the earthy recycled air. His neck pushed against the metal wrapped around it. The collar again? He still felt the durasteel cuffs around his wrists, pushed deeper into his already bruised skin by the restraints of the chair.

Rey’s cuffs.

Rey.

Where was Rey? Kylo’s eyes flicked across the cold, sterile, too bright room. Where was he? The air was same, so likely still underground.

Slash. Long nails dragged across his chest. Kylo settled his attention back on the reptile woman.

“It just us.”

“You speak basic,” Kylo said pulling himself as tall as he could within the boundaries of his restraints. He kept his voice low and steady.

The reptile woman’s mouth pulled back to reveal two rows of sharp pointed teeth. Another needle was in her hand. Kylo refused to flinch when she stuck it into his arm.

“Which does the First Order use? Bavo or OV600? Other men screamed too much. I could not understand answer, “ the reptile woman asked as she stepped back and dropped the empty needle back into her bag

Kylo could feel the serum running through him. The nausea of all the chemicals was starting to get to him. He guessed the reptile was using the OV600: she would like seeing the physical damage if he lied.

“Bavo six,” he said simply. No need to hide that information. But why was she doing this? Information to sell?

No. This was personal.

“What did you do to Rey?” The reptile held a slim curved blade in her hand, clawed fingers anxiously gripping it with anticipation.

Very personal.

“Apart from when she was a guest of mine?” he answered carefully, wary of the serum’s effects. The knife slashed across his abdomen. Kylo couldn’t stop himself from wincing slightly.

“How did you twist her mind?” the reptile asked next. Kylo felt his face screw up in confusion.

“I read her mind. There is a difference.”

Another slash across his shoulder. He sighed, feeling blood slowly start to drip from the wounds.

“You are used to this,” the reptile noted. Kylo’s lips pinched together as he breathed out hard through his nose.

“How observant.”

The knife returned to the reptile’s belt. Her hands curled into fists and Kylo barely had time to brace as he watched one of them connect with his chest. He gasped, coughing harshly as his ribs creaked inwards.

* * *

 

Rey and Rak started slowly picking their way back towards the complex, Rak taking Rey’s arm and speaking in a hushed voice.

“There’s some of Vadeem’s old contacts I need to meet. Once things are secure here I can bring Koh with me. It would be safer.”

“What if Sefor comes, and things are finalized on this side?”

“You must not interfere. We can get Ben after as well. That may have to happen after anyway.”

Rey stopped in her tracks. She couldn’t .

“I can’t leave him alone like that. Not again.”

Rak sighed.

“Then would you like to go with him? A set, then. Like a wild nexu and its trainer,” Rak’s tone was all business. Rey felt her hackles rise at the comparison.

“Is that all he would be reduced too?” Rey heard her tone pitch as anger starts to return to her. Rak put his hands up in defense.

“All I know is for any of this to work, _your_ Ben would need to play a part. He must stay as Kylo Ren. And you must play your part, whether your role be the researcher or trainer, you must not break from it. You know what the Black Sun is capable of.”

Rey couldn't help but feel the weight of responsibility fall heavy on her shoulders. She had offered to help Vadeem in the past but he always denied her.

‘It is too much a burden for you bear, _Verd’ika (little one)_. I carry my burden and you carry yours. Be content in knowing many of those you have met end up in safe hands,’ Vadeem had told her numerous times.

* * *

 

Kylo lost count of how many times the reptile had hit him, One of his eyes swollen shut, He swore he heard bones break in his right arm, and it got harder and harder to breath with every hit to his chest.

It seemed the reptile was done playing interrogator.

“You kill my Vadeem. You will not take my daughter.”

“Not your daughter… I can protect Rey -- You can’t,” Kylo spat back, satisfied to see a small spray of blood hit the reptile’s chest from him speaking.

“Aliit ori’shya tal’din,” he heard her mutter in her native tongue.

“You try to take her from us. You will not,” The reptilian woman continued.

Another punch to the chest. Kylo swore he heard a crack from his ribs this time. It suddenly felt much harder to breath.

“You just animal. Not even _demagolka._..animals must learn to obey.”

Another punch across his jaw.

“Just like you,” Kylo choked out, pulling at the restraints. The Reptile turned and left the room.

It had been a long time since this kind of treatment. Another breath. Definitely a cracked rib.

Kriff. Every breath hurt. Everything hurt.

The reptile was going to kill him at this rate.

He couldn’t die. Even with Rey and his bond dampened as it was, he was sure it would break Rey if he died, no matter what she felt towards him.

He didn’t want to hurt Rey. He had already done enough.

For once, he had to survive not just for his own selfish grasp on life.

* * *

 

Rey heard her comm beeping and quickly picked it up.

“I’ve made a terrible mistake,” came the trembling voice of Hollsek, “I -- I can’t stop her.”

“We’re close. We’re coming! “ Rey felt her legs move as she started to run. Rak ran beside her, and quickly scooped her up as his long legs carried them down to the bunker.

Rey tried to keep calm, clinging to Rak’s neck as he ran.

No…

Ben….Please be safe… _Ka’ra_ please

* * *

 

The reptile woman returned with something in her hands. The mask from the crate. His jaw ached just thinking about it.

“Animal does not talk,” the reptile said and Kylo shuddered, feeling himself try to pull back. The reptile slithered closer and some primal sense took over. Kylo struggled, even knowing he could not get out.

Clawed fingers forced his jaw open as the metal ring on the inside of the mask was forced between his lips and teeth. The scent of sweat and metal took over and the restraints on his head were loosened so the mask could be secured.

Kylo thrashed his head away from the clawed hands but it was no use.  He screamed through the metal that took his speech from him.

“Howl like creature you are,” the reptile said barking out a laugh.

Kylo stopped. He closed his eyes gulping down his lack of control.

“Perhaps can train you after all. I call you worm, huh? So worm, let us train.”

Kylo felt the restraints on his wrists release.

The reptilian woman before him was insane. But maybe if he followed he could survive until Rey came back.

She said she would come back.  

“Hold out your arms,” the reptile demanded.

Though they felt like dead weight, Kylo struggled to comply. He heard something suddenly crackling and sparking beside him. He could just see the blaze of red that was _his_ lightsaber.

Kylo tried to pull his arms back -- but it was too late.

Searing, burning pain. His right arm suddenly felt lighter. He screamed, bile trying to rise in his throat and the mask spraying something into his mouth to stop it.

Thud.

Something dropped to the ground. Kylo didn’t look. He couldn’t. But the stump of his right arm pulled to his chest, cradled by his other arm. The lightsaber turned off, going to the reptile’s belt.

“ _Gar cuyir ru’gratur_ ,” Kylo heard the reptile mutter, “Now walk, worm.” The demand came as the restraints on Kylo’s legs were released.

He didn’t move. He wasn’t sure he would be able to.

He felt low whimper rise in his throat. Rey...where are you? He bent his mind towards her, calling her name into the darkness.

“I don’t wanna die.” he wordlessly begged. The knife came back off the reptile’s belt.

“Walk!”

Ben used his one arm to grip the chair as he forced his screaming limbs to step down from it. His body wanted to crumble beneath him, mass of twitching flesh and muscle that it was.

He heard the beep of a comm, but was able to see the reptile turn the device off.

He managed to step away from his tormentor. She gazed at him appraisingly.

“If you get to door, I let you go.” Her pointed teeth were showing again in a terrifying smile. Ben felt another shudder of his body trying to fall. The reptile was lying, but he had to try.

Rey was coming. She had to be. Staggered, shallow breaths echoed against the metal covering half his face.

A step towards the door. Then another, slow and unsteady. He watched the reptile step in front of him, the knife brandished.

The blade swung and Ben felt it pull deeply across his upper thighs.  More blinding pain, shooting up through his legs and groin. He tried to lift his legs to back away.

He couldn’t. His body fell, he landed on his knees, his one arm holding him up.

“Rey safe without you. You only bring death.”

Ben stopped. His exhausted body finally giving in. The reptile was right. He had brought nothing but pain to Rey’s life.

But if Snoke got to her.

He couldn’t allow that.

He stretched out his arm in front of him towards the door, pulling. Pulling. His knees trying to push him.

The knife attacked once more, slashing behind his knees and Ben’s legs became nothing more than dead weight. He cried out in frustration as his body refused to move. The door was so close.

He couldn’t move forward.

“Can you protect her now, worm?”

Ben’s vision became obscured finally by the moisture building at the corners of his eyes, and the sweat dripping from his brow.

He heard the crackling of the lightsaber once more, hovering over his extended arm.

“Crawl, worm.”

But -- he couldn’t move.

His eyes closed and the waves of pain washed over him.

Crash!

The loud durasteel door hissed open, only increasing the pounding in Ben’s head. But the lightsaber was quickly turned off and the reptile moved away from him.

“The _Mir’cit_ is alive,” the reptile said calmly.

“Kohdat: Ship. Talk. Now,” came a deeper gruffer sounding voice followed by thundering footsteps past his head.

“Hol: Medbay, stretcher, Bacta tank,” the deeper voice spoke again and then more footsteps left. Ben felt his heart rate quicken at the thought of a bacta tank. He heard footsteps running towards him, lighter than the others. They halted and a body dropped next to his. 

“Kriff! Ben?!” Rey’s voice creaked out, rasping for breath as Ben felt his body pulled against hers. He felt lips pressing to his forehead and his one hand moved to grasp Rey’s. She held back tightly for a moment before pulling away.

Ben groaned at its loss but then felt the click of the mechanism around his neck un-lock and the collar was swiftly pulled off. Rey was muttering curses as she held him. Ben’s hand refound hers, even with his eyes refusing to open and he gripped as tight as he could. 

He felt hot tears on his head, as Rey kissed his forehead once more and she fumbled for the mechanism on the mask before pulling that off as well.

“Than...you,” Ben managed to slur out, feeling everything fade. 

“You’re gonna be okay,” Rey said, her trembling lips meeting his, and she echoed the phrase in a mutter.

Everything went black, and all Ben could feel was Rey’s fingers interlaced with his.

  
  
  



	6. Awakening

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A red dawn drowning in watery dreams,  
> Past and present bleed together,  
> echos of both which haunt and inspire,  
> As one dream fades a waking dream blooms, and thorns await in the underbrush.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all who have been waiting for this chapter to come out. I sincerely hope you enjoy it. Life has gotten busy for many reasons, including a new job(huzzah).
> 
> I'll try to not let so much time pass before the next chapter as I figure out the rhythm of life as it is. 
> 
> I would to thank my beta, Jessa who worked so quickly and thoroughly even with my slow ways. And the creator of the lovely moodboard is idrilhadhafang [AO3].

[ ](http://i.imgur.com/NmMtac2)

Rey saw red, nothing but red. Red like the prickly spine barrel blooms of Jakku, like the segmented numbers on a chrono, the red room of draped curtains, dry recycled air, and the laugh of the molted being on a throne.

 

Ben’s hand was in hers, as she cradled his broken body. It was so warm against her. There was so much blood.

 

His eyes had shone with relief, not betrayal.

 

‘You have let this _Shupur_ ( _wound_ ) fester for too long, _Verd’ika_ ,’ a whisper of a voice said. Vadeem.

 

Red started to fade to the orange of morning dawn.

 

‘Stop letting it hold you back,’ Vadeem’s hand was on her back as he spoke in memory, dawn coming in through the workshop window. The molted thing was silenced.

 

‘You need to wake up, _ner’ad_ ( _my daughter_ ). Attack life with the will of defeating an enemy,’ her _buir’s_ voice whispered and faded.

 

The light became cold. Smooth unyielding tiles of the interrogation room beneath Rey brought her back.

 

‘Let nothing hold you back. Be fierce in life and love,’ her _Buir’s_ voice spoke one more time, a glimmer in her head.

 

Rey would feel her family staring at her. She felt tears again, but more so the anger rising within. Her hand went to the pouch at her hip, ripping it open and fumbling for the knife Kohdat had given her.

 

“ _Ni Partayli, Gar darassum, Buir_ ,” _I remember you, So you are eternal, father._ Rey forced out through clenched teeth. The knife, slippery in Rey’s hand and coated in Ben’s blood, was cast to Kohdat’s feet.

 

“I hope you are satisfied. If he -- _dies_ ,” Rey started looking no higher than Kohdat’s clawed feet, also stained with blood. She clutched Ben’s body closer.

 

“If he does, add my name to the _cuyan laar_ ( _Survivor’s song_ ), for you will have lost a child to revenge,” Rey managed to finish before she felt she couldn’t speak at all.

 

She could hear Hollsek returning. When had he left? A medical stretcher floated behind him. Wordlessly he set it down next to Rey, refusing to look her in the eye, instead placing a hand lightly over her arm.

 

Stiffly, Rey released Ben and helped move him onto the stretcher. She heard Kohdat leave the room, followed by Rak.

 

Rey felt numb. Thankfully Hol didn’t say a word as they started to move towards the medbay. The walk down the halls reminded Rey of sunken ships in sand, chronos frozen in time with their purpose long forgotten. They weren’t worth even a quarter portion. Long dead bodies of soldiers lined the halls, picked clean by scavengers and creatures alike.

 

Three doors between stretches of dark twisting hallways in the bunker. The lights that shone up against the cold durasteel walls felt too bright.

 

The light in the medbay was painful. But wordlessly Rey helped Hol prep a still unconscious Ben for the bacta tank, stripping what little clothing she had found for him and attaching the harness that would hold him stable in the tank.

 

Once more Rey felt the scaly hand of Hollsek on her arm and she turned to see the force- repressing collar presented to her. Hol glanced down at the single cuff on Ben’s arm and Rey nodded, shivering at the thought of where the other cuff was. She released it from Ben’s bruised wrist while Hollsek placed the collar back on his neck. Rey thought she would throw up but managed to hold herself together enough to get Ben into the tank, where he could start to heal.

 

* * *

Outside the compound, Rak paced the lounge of his ship, shaking with rage. Kohdat leaned against a wall watching him.

 

“I could turn you over to Sefor for this.”

 

Kohdat hissed out a laugh.

 

_“Mhi bintar kar'taylir gar Ru'kel draar vaabir ibac,” We both know you would never do that._

 

Kohdat was testing him. Rak growled low in his throat, feeling his scales raise slightly.

 

“You're on lockdown. We are leaving today, after I set things with the children and get a call.”

 

_“Tion gar Ru'kel ba'slanar ner'ad solys ti ibac Skanah?” You would leave my daughter with that thing?_ Any humor left in Kohdat's face was replaced with concern.

 

“Hol stays with her. You either come with me or wait in the brig at the main base for destruction of property. That is final.”

 

After all was said and done, Rak detained Kohdat in her room on the _Starfield Strill_ for the time being so he could check in on Rey.

 

* * *

Rey sat staring at the floating body in the bacta tank, dried blood covering most of her arms and chest. The metallic scent of it stung still.

 

She watched how Ben would occasionally twitch and his limbs thrash through the viscous liquid, even wounded as he was. Even now, he couldn’t escape his nightmares. Neither could she.

 

Rey’s legs felt numb from her cross-legged position, sitting on the examination table shoved in front of the tank. But she couldn’t bring herself to move.

 

It felt like the moment Rey took her eyes off Ben he would disappear, like watching him blink out of existence when their bond closed.

 

She placed her hand on the transparisteel of the tank in a silent promise,

 

‘I’ll fight the galaxy for you.’

 

Rey felt a blanket wrap around her shoulders.

 

“I packed a bag for you. Change of clothes, extra pillow and rations,” came Rak’s tired voice, “Hol prepared the sleeping quarters next door for you.”

 

“I’m not leaving.”

 

“I know, _Verd’ika_. Try to get some rest. He’ll need you when he wakes.”

 

And then Rak was gone.

 

Rey watched how Ben’s hair floated around him, how his hand floated closer to hers as if pulled by a magnet.

 

‘I won’t leave you again.’

 

* * *

A few hours later.

 

Kohdat was about to launch another volley of her argument when the console beeped. Rak put his hand up.

 

“The call I spoke of,” Rak said walking over to the console. Kohdat stalked off to her quarters.

 

Rak started the holoprojector, sitting back in the commander's chair. Through the bluish projection all he could see was the outline of a dull and dented helmet.  There were indented stripes along the crown of it and a panel of mirrored material with criss-crossing lines bisecting a face plate, completing obscuring his head. A large coat obscured what could have been shoulders.

 

“Vadeem called you Roque, I believe,” Rak started.

 

“One of many names. Can never be too careful,” came a garbled voice distorted with static.

 

“He trusted you. That is enough for me,” Rak said trying to discern the slightest shift in the covered figure but the image was still. Still except for a low distorted laugh through the vocoder which was enough to make Rak shift uncomfortably in his seat.

 

“Has that trust killed him?” the masked figure asked with a questioning tilt of his helmet. It was impossible to discern any emotions through the modulation in the Roque's voice.

 

“No. He was killed by someone far more interesting. Someone you used to know, I was told.”

 

“I know many. Part of the job.”

 

“From back when you called yourself Ren,” Rak maintained a stoic expression, deciding to focus on the man's quickening breath. The patchwork of metal and glass moved closer to him.

 

“Who?” Even through the vocoder, the voice seemed slightly strained.

 

“Vadeem told me you were smart. I'm sure you can guess.” The man leaned back, arms crossing over his chest.

 

“So the rumors are true. I understand. I'll send the coordinates. You should have the latest code to deal with the encryption.”

 

Rak nodded.

 

“I suggest you get there by the end of the standard week, if you wish to do what is needed, I'll be waiting.”

 

“Understood. I'll be there.”

 

* * *

Rey woke up, the hum of the bacta tank against her shoulder. The transparisteel was pleasantly hot against her shoulder even if the hardness of it was making her back ache. Rey could feel the stiffness in her body from the position and slowly pulled herself up to sit from where she had been leaning against the tank.

 

She opened her eyes to see Ben’s twitching fingers on the other side of the glass. She looked up to see his furrowed brow and shifting limbs, enough movement to guess it was another nightmare.  

 

Rey felt dehydrated. It reminded her of long days of work and savoring drops from her canteen. She had cried again -- such a waste. Rey grabbed the bag Rak had left her and pulled out the canteen, and took small slow sips from it helping wake her up.

 

Ben would need her when he regained consciousness.

 

Tap...tap… like knocking on the glass. Like it had come from inside.

 

Knocking at her walls inside her head, the pressure of water pressing in around her.

 

The molting being (Rey refused to use its name), was calling her. Rey pressed her hands against the glass of the tank, praying the being couldn’t get to Ben.

 

Faint laughter, muffled through distance. Rey’s hand slipped down lifelessly as she felt herself pulled into -- something.

 

* * *

Kylo's head spun. He remembered Rey and blackness. But when was that?

 

Rey was a dream of the future he would never reach. His life was the nightmare. He had failed another test.

 

Kylo had tried to leave again. The compatriot who had dared help him was gone. He would never be allowed to grieve.

 

His master has left him suspended--upside-down this time. The red guards were to use him as target practice, while he used the Force to push them back. It had been an hour, or at least it felt like an hour and the blows started landing. But grave blue eyes dared him to beg for it to stop.

 

He was left after he blacked out. One of his Knights had been sent to retrieve him this time. Fett had been the one to take him down and help him onto a gurney. No snarky comments then. He couldn’t walk the next day or stand really, so the punishment changed. His Master decided he should know what it was like if he was ever captured. Hux had the pleasure of watching him being worked over by the interrogation droids. His master held back his ability to strike out for now, knowing he was too weak to hold back on his own.  

 

He wasn’t allowed to speak, cry, or ask for mercy. That would only mean more training in the future. He couldn’t look weak, even though he was. Which he was ever reminded of. As he was left slumped and trembling in an interrogation chair, Hux had given him a pitying look on the way out. Kylo didn’t even have the strength to sneer back at him, like he needed that man’s pity.

 

He couldn’t move much at all, after that. So the punishment changed. His Master knocked him unconscious. He woke up in some kind of liquid filled tank--likely bacta. He couldn’t move his arms or legs as they were bound against him and then to the top and bottom of the tank. The breathing mask dug into his face. It must have been malfunctioning. Sometimes there wasn’t any air and he had to force himself not to panic. And it was dark--so dark and silent. Not even his Master’s voice in his head to reprimand him besides one single word.

 

“Reflect,” was the command given. He felt like he was slowly drowning. All he could think about was drowning. He couldn’t take it anymore. A jagged, raw, broken sounding scream ripped through him.

 

* * *

Rey felt the scream pour from her trembling body, watching as the visions swept over her: her body unable to move, she felt the hissing of blades across her back, the electroshock probes and bright red rods pressed against her skin. She felt like she was drowning while unable to move in the dark.

 

Ben’s eyes opened, staring at her from inside the tank. A muffled scream into the breathing mask brought Rey back to the present where she pulled herself upright once more, placing both her hands on the glass and focusing on the sliver of the bond that had connected them.

 

“I’m here, Ben,” Rey focused on her voice projecting to him and watched Ben’s pained gaze soften before his eyes closed once more.

 

“Stay,” was all Rey heard, like an echo on the wind before she felt Ben fade from consciousness once more.

 

The door to the medbay opened to a panicking Hollsek with a drawn blaster.

 

“What's wrong? Did he try to hurt you?” Hollsek demanded. Rey leaned her body against the tank once more, still feeling the pain of the visions fade. She looked at her _vod_ _(brother)_ in disbelief.  

 

When Rey didn't immediately speak and continued staring him down, Hol quickly holstered his weapon not daring to step further into the room.

 

“What in Riia's name is wrong with you?” Rey finally said, her head feeling like it was gonna split into pieces. She struggled to speak, still recovering from the sensation of drowning.

 

Everything felt sore, the ghost of open wounds still stinging her skin, the briny scent of bacta assaulting her senses. What she felt most was the undiluted feeling of barely withheld rage, helplessness, and the pain of disappointment which would supposedly fuel a shadowed energy. Even without being connected to the Force, overwhelming and demanding, it made her skin crawl. But it gave strength as well.

 

Ben was in this tank and Hollsek had done something to cause it. Hollsek hadn't spoken again, awkwardly standing by the door still.

 

“What did you do?” Rey demanded, her voice crackling with rage. Despite his tall stature, Hollsek shrunk back, skimming the wall as he slowly backed away.

 

Rey had trusted him. Rak had seemed suspicious even before they went on their walk. Rey had been so wrapped up in her own head, she never noticed.

 

Her fingers dug into her palms.

 

“Did you explain everything to Kohdat? Or just what was convenient for your story?” Rey launched herself at her brother, screaming. Hollsek stumbled back.

 

“I--”

 

“You didn’t think, Hol! If he dies, I might as well be dead! Is that what you want?” Rey jabbed her finger at Hollsek’s chest, her other hand in a fist ready to fight. Hollsek hit a wall. Rey stopped.

 

“N-no,” Hollsek stammered, looking much smaller than his seven foot stature. Rey blinked out angry tears as her voice struggled to remain steady.

 

“Is the puny human not good enough for the clan? Or am I now too tainted for you?”

 

Rey clenched her fist, leaving Hollsek leaning against the wall as she paced back across the room.

 

_“Aliit ori’shya tal’din” Family is more than blood_ , Hollsek weakly countered. “You’re right...I didn’t think. I just wanted to protect you.”

 

“I’ve held my own for 19 cycles _without_ protection Hol! Would you like me to remind you how?” Rey turned quickly, arms up in a fighting position. Hollsek slid down the wall as she stalked back towards him.

 

“I am _not_ a child! I never was. I never had an uncle to look for me. I had _no one_ but myself.”

 

Rey wound up to punch Hollsek. He kept his arms at his sides, closing his eyes waiting for the hit. Instead he felt the vibration of the wall right next to his head being hit.

 

_“Ni’m ni ceta.” I’m sorry,_ was all he could say.

 

“Leave-- Just leave. I need to think.”

 

Hollsek darted from the room as quickly as he could.

 

Rey punched the wall a few more times for good measure.

 

Her knuckles were bleeding.

 

* * *

After the adrenaline left, red anger dripping down the walls, Rey felt exhaustion come back to her. Suddenly she became all too aware of the dried crimson on her clothes -- a mixture of Ben’s and her own blood -- and forced herself to go change with what Rak left her in the pack. Using the large sink in the med bay, Rey ran the water till it burned and scrubbed the red away, until rivulets of their blood flowed away and she was clean of it.

 

With everything aching she took out the bedroll and laid it out in front of the bacta tank.  Then in response to her sense of gnawing hunger, she ate a ration bar. Rak would be upset if she didn’t eat.

 

At the bottom of the pack Rey also found her music player. The corners of her mouth nudged up at the sight of it. It had been too long since she was able to use it, or simply she had grown so accustomed to having it on that silence became strange.  She placed it on a nearby table and tuned in to a station playing something akin to what felt like a calm meditative walk through the Myrkyrian forests. Within minutes Rey felt her agitated nerves being soothed like running water over roughened stone.

 

With the music turned up just loud enough to seep into the corners of the room, everything started to feel a little better. Even Ben seemed to still within the tank. His fingers seemed to move gently with the rhythm the song.

 

It would probably be time soon to pull him out, at least for a diagnosis. And she wasn’t going to let Hollsek ruin her mood. So Rey set out to the nearby storage room to find the medical droid for the facility.  It hadn’t been activated in a while and Rey made sure to dust it off and let it reboot its systems slowly before directing it back to the medical bay.

 

2-1B ran its tests quickly after interfacing with the bacta tank and doing a visual inspection.

 

“He will be ready to come out in a few hours,” the droid said in a calm reassuring tone. Rey forced a small smile at that good news as well. 2-1B started working its way around the room, checking in on stock and cleaning up quietly, and now Rey found she didn’t want to sleep.

 

She looked at the lone cuff on the table with the music player. It would have to be adjusted to fit Ben’s ankle now, along with the other one.  And she couldn’t go back to the room where she knew it lay.

 

Rey rolled the comm in her hand for a few minutes, trying to let the calm heartbeat of the music wash over her. And finally she did what was needed.

 

Her finger snapped down on the call button.

 

“Get me the the other cuff and my tools,” Rey said flatly.

 

“On it,” came Hollseks’s surprised voice.

 

A few minutes later Hol appeared at the door. He didn’t dare step inside. Rey pointed to a table next to the door and the items she requested were silently dropped off. Hollsek disappeared as quickly as he came.

 

Rey set up a small work station and got to work, knowing her time was limited. The station on the music player was thankfully lacking in commercials and seemed to slowly shift between various songs instead.

 

As she worked, from the speakers came an entrancing feminine voice that sounded like it was from a dream more than reality, something otherworldly. And it pulled Rey into deep concentration, melting away the worries. Or maybe it was just having her old bit drivers and micro-circuit welders in her hands again, the feel of them molding against cycles-old callouses as she dug into the durasteel mechanics. Having bits of grease and oil soaking into her skin felt relieving in a way. Rey remembered the first time her hands had ever been truly ‘clean’ according to others, and the idea seemed odd since she washed parts for cycles in oil.

 

The voice reminded Rey of kindly old scavengers and their stories at the washing tables on Jakku. Those interactions were some of the few pleasant ones Rey really had with the residents of the lonely desert planet.

 

The music Rey found she liked best reminded her of nature and its sounds: birds, trees rustling in the wind, water running, and voices that flowed in sync with it all. There were so many languages Rey didn’t understand but she learned to listen for the inflection, for elation or sorrow within the singer’s voice. Rak told her that everyone’s relationship to music was unique and he enjoyed watching that interaction.

 

So often while Rey and Rak hung out, it was with one of Rak’s many collected music players, music boxes or one his few prized instruments. They may not have spoken much, but there was always music in the background because it seemed there was an endless amount of singers and culture’s music Rak was determined to show her.

 

So, music felt like an extended family and like comfortable silences, even when she was alone. The voices in songs made her feel like someone was there, even when alone for weeks at a time, and that was more than she could have said for most of her life.

 

2-1B stopped in front of her. Rey slowly looked up, shaking her head slightly at the loss of focus.

 

“Yes?”

 

“My sensors indicate you are dehydrated and lacking sleep. May I suggest -?” The droid started.

 

“I’m fine. Worry about the man in the tank, not me,” Rey crassly said, gesturing towards the bacta tank, feeling the coldness of the the med bay once more.

 

“As you say,” 2-1B said in the same calm tone walking back over to the tank.

 

“The man-”

 

“Ben,” Rey corrected, putting her tools down, trying not to be irritated at being pulled back so abruptly.

 

“Ben is ready to come out. Then I can run further tests to find out what is needed.”

 

* * *

2-1B and Rey worked quietly together to pull Ben out of the tank after what Rey swore would be the last round of sedation. While the droid ran its diagnostics, Rey got the adjusted cuffs finished up and carefully placed on Ben’s ankles so she could take the damned collar off. They  cleaned him of the remaining bacta clinging to his still bruised skin. Then Ben was left on top of the bedroll Rey had laid out with only a blanket covering him once more. Only at 2-1B’s insistence, knowing the nature of the facility, was Ben loosely bound to the table by his remaining arm. Rey finally found the motivation to venture outside the med bay to search for clothes he could wear again.

 

While scouring the storage rooms nearby Rey found an old set of what looked like off-duty military clothes for male humanoids. Soft grey pants and shirts in sealed containers. With a little more digging Rey noticed there were enough of the containers to fill half a wall of varying sizes.

 

Rey gathered up three boxes with clothes that might fit Ben and headed back into the darkened hallways. On the way back to the med bay she noticed movement ahead and shifted the load in her arms to see it was Hollsek. He had stopped and shifted awkwardly from one foot to the other, yet holding his ground in the middle of the hallway silently.

 

“What?” Rey asked with a barbed tongue.

 

“You know, I’m not always right,” Hollsek started, standing a little straighter even as his voice remained lower, “But I always tried to live up to that.”

 

Rey silently stared at him, shifting the weight of the boxes in her arms, glowering ahead.

 

“I wish it could be true. You are the stronger one. You were always right,” Hollsek said, the words rushing out between his pointed teeth.

 

Rey waited for any more, feeling impatient. There was none.

 

“Are you done?” Her voice remained icy. Hollsek bowed his head and shrugged, stepping off to the side. Rey huffed, the edges of the boxes having started to dig into her arms, and moved back to Hollsek.

 

He was just saying words. Words meant nothing.

 

Rey was forced to move slowly and as she walked down the hall she saw that Hollsek hadn’t moved.

 

“When did you regret it?” Rey's voice was stepped in exhaustion. unable to maintain the coldness. She never had been good at doing it. With no response, Rey took in a quavering breath and kept moving. She could feel Hol’s eyes on her the whole length of the hall before she turned.

 

She never heard him move.

 

* * *

Ben’s sedated state finally started to wear off. Rey had been holding his hand ever since she came back, the music continuing on low in the background. The genre was one Rak had showed her once, Shownar lullabies, sound created by the whipping of wind around the singing pillars of the planet. Rak even told her that he once visited the planet himself.

 

‘I'll never forget that beauty. Being surrounded by Shownar's song,’ he said. Rey could remember the look of awe Rak had as he spoke.

 

She wondered if she could bring Ben there one day. A murmuring groan brought her attention back.

 

“Where?” Rey heard Ben croak out in a cough. Her attention turned to cracked lips and closed eyes. Her hand moved to the side of his face.

 

“Med Bay. It’s safe here.”

 

Ben nodded ever so slightly, slowly moving his remaining limbs to test his limitations. He cringed silently as his wrist and ankle clinked against the restraints binding them. He then slowly shifted back, his breathing labored. Maybe his ribs weren’t fully healed. Maybe there was still internal damage and they had pulled him out too soon. Rey felt how hot Ben’s cheek was. Her breathing quickened.

 

Rey turned to 2-1B.

 

“You sure that was enough time in the tank?”

 

“No more tank,” Ben pleaded in a choked voice. Rey bobbed her head, the visions coming back to her. She didn’t want to agree, but she understood.

 

“A few days of bedrest and applied bacta will work,” 2-1B replied, moving closer to run another set of tests. Rey stayed put, threading her fingers through Ben’s and feeling him lightly grip back.

 

* * *

Rey ran her fingers over Ben’s back thoughtfully after helping him sit up.

 

“You came back,” Ben spoke slowly, his voice gruff. His one arm resting gingerly over bruised ribs.

 

“I said I would,” Rey replied without missing a beat. Ben warily looked towards the door.

 

“Will they?”

 

“Kohdat won’t ever hurt you again. The commander is taking her on a trip off planet, anyway.”

 

Ben’s body seemed to relax ever so slightly. He bowed his head, leaning in to Rey’s supporting arm.

 

* * *

It had been a long time coming, Rak thought. He stared at the darkened screens in the room. The old pipe at the top edge of the room was practically unseen under the dark and grime at the top of the wall. Vadeem had told him what to do long ago if it came to this point.

 

A reptilian hand stretched up, and a long nail extended towards the pipe and slowly slashed through old bonding tape . A slow drip, drip bulged through the opened seam.

 

Rak turned around to face the wall of screens and entered the console system controlling the cameras. He silently entered the old remembered codes. The drip behind him slowly turned into a cascade down the wall.

 

With the system purged of data Rak retreated, hearing the pipe swelling with pressure. Hol would be the best one to deal with the mess here. And they all would be safe from Sefor seeing what they saw. He left and sat out in the grand cavern outside the bunker for a time, the tall olbio trees and the hissing ysalamirs making the space feel cozy, like the old underground desert dwellings of what was once home.

 

Hollsek eventually commed him in a panic and he laughed.

 

_“Ibac cuyir Meg gar ve'ganir par cuyi'nynir bat ruug'la chorak. Dush bes'bev shukur.”_

_That’s what you get for banging on old walls. Bad pipes break._

 

He heard the comm quickly switch off and allowed himself to laugh some more. He knew his nephew could handle it. Many mistakes Hollsek had made, but he was always very good at cleaning up messes. He took the small amount of time he had alone to soak in the quiet, and the music of the nature around him.

 

It would be a long time before he would experience it again.

 

* * *

Finally, Rak resigned himself to breaking the short moment of solitude and went back into the bunker, knowing the reality of things couldn’t be kept waiting. He passed by Hollsek who was monitoring cleaning droids, leaning heavily in defeat against the door frame.

 

_“Sla'narir cuyi'taabir bat.” Keep marching on._ Rak spoke as he clasped a hand on Hollsek's shoulder.

 

Rak moved on, through the tangled dark hallways until he reached the med bay. Rak passed the medical droid in the hallway,

 

“Can you make sure Hollsek doesn’t hurt himself? He’s dealing with a water leakage with a lot of energy powering an area.”

 

“Of course.”

 

Now their privacy would be assured.

 

* * *

Rak was happy to see Rey looking more contented as he sat besides her _vod (partner)._ He walked quietly into the med bay, seeing how the other two stared at each other like nothing else was there. And the energy in the room felt at peace in that moment with them.

 

But once more, he would have to interrupt such a moment to have the much needed conversation before he left. Nonetheless he waited until Rey felt his presence and silently acknowledged him across the room. The man bound to the table seemed to notice him as well and what little color remained in his face disappeared. Rey leaned over Ben and spoke in a voice as soft as a whisper bird, a hand running over his arm in a calming motion. After a moment Ben calmed once more, but his remaining hand remained firmly gripping Rey’s arm.

 

Rak couldn’t reconcile the man before him as Kylo Ren. Not with the way he looked at Rey as if she was -- the answer. But Rak knew Rey wasn’t any such thing, she was just another lost being in the vast universe. And he worried for her in that regard. Rak could only pray Rey would survive the impending trials.

 

After another moment, Rak approached Ben and Rey.

 

“Ben, if I may call you that? Are you okay with either decision Rey makes with regards to you? I would like to know your thoughts before I hear her final answer.”

 

Rak watched confusion bloom on the man’s face and felt his stomach drop. Ben didn’t know.

 

“What decision?” Ben said in a rough sluggish tone. He looked back at Rey who also turned pale.

 

“What does he know?” Rak asked Rey hearing his disappointment spill out in his tone.

 

Ben spoke instead,

 

“I know I killed two men Rey cared about,” he started slowly, voice tremulous as he looked at the ceiling and Rey bit her lip as she often did to stop herself from interrupting.

 

“I know this is a prison but you aren’t Resistance,” though strained and rough, Ben continued.

 

“That is true,” Rak said after leaving a moment to make sure Ben had finished.

 

“You can suppress Force users. It isn’t common -- not unless you hunt such people,” and with that Ben grew silent, with rasping harsh breaths after speaking so much. Rey gave him water from her canteen.

 

“Correct.”

 

“He knows about the research, what I do and make,” Rey added, seeing Ben wanting to speak once more but looking concerned.

 

“I am the only one here?” Ben asked anyway.

 

“Yes,” Rak replied, “There have been others before you and others will come after. They aren’t dead. Our organization sees that as a waste.”

 

“Then what?” Ben asked, voice tinted with dread.

 

“Sold to the highest bidder.”

 

There was silence once more as Ben let go of Rey, looking like he would be sick. Rey wrapped her arms around herself.

 

“But Vadeem saved them. To honor his memory you will be saved as well, right?” Rey said, looking determinedly at Rak.

 

“Rey, what do you choose?” Rak asked without skipping a beat, knowing it had to be asked.

 

“I’m staying.”

 

“You know what that means. Does he?” Rak asked as Ben seemed to take notice of his surroundings once more. Ben shook his head.

 

“You two go together the whole process, like a set. A trainer and it’s nexu,” Rak explained almost a bit happy to see how affronted Ben was at the comparison. It was an emotion beyond fear, which was something.

 

“What is the other choice?” Ben demanded before he was silenced by a round of coughing.

 

Rey kept looking at Rak.

 

“It doesn’t matter. I’m staying.” Ben was breathing harshly, unable to speak momentarily but looking at Rak for answers now.

 

“We have an extraction plan in motion. It’s been done a variety of ways over many cycles. I have a meeting with the current contact to finalize details?”

 

“Safe?” Ben rasped out, looking desperately from Rak to Rey.

 

Rak moved closer, slowly until he got to the edge of the table where Ben lay.

 

“It is always safer for my family to stay out of the line of fire. But battles are not won by sitting idly by.”

 

After a moment Ben nodded, giving in. He gulped and looked up at Rey,

 

“I -- I can’t protect you,” Ben said, defeat evident in his voice.

 

“I don’t care. It’s a risk i’m willing to take. Nothing is going to hold me back, ever again.”

 

Rak felt pride swell within him. He could feel Vadeem smiling down on them. He extended his arm and Rey moved around the table to grasp it.

 

_“Haa'taylir gar Nusujii,ba’buir,” See you soon, old man._

 

Rak pulled Rey into a tight hug, feeling the warmth of the human child he had taken in, her smallness and fragility but also her incredible inner power and knowledge she would do what was needed. His _verd’ika_ . _Little soldier._

 

_“K’oyacyi, ner’ad...K’oyacyi” Hang in there, my daughter… Hang in there._

 


End file.
